As you probably I know I am a chaplain in a pediatric hospital. For the sake of clarity, let me define the role of hospital chaplain in general terms. A chaplain is a clergy person who regardless of their own beliefs, supports the spiritual and emotional needs of patients, families, and staff in a hospital. That role can look like advocacy around poverty or race issues or it can be more like sitting in the dark silence with someone when words fail us. The role is diverse and always changing.
I came to this profession because of a deep sense of calling combined with some strong gifts and skills for the job. But where did these gifts and skills come from? The easy answer would be to say God. But the truth is I had a great teacher. I learned from the best chaplain there ever has been. His name is Bear Bear.
Bear Bear is my stuffed bear that I’ve had since Valentine’s Day 1976. If you ever meet him, you’ll realize that he used to be white with a red belly but now he’s dirty beige and kind of burgundy. He’s endured many surgeries (repairs), has a broken eye, a missing mouth, and his fur is rubbed thin in places. If you’re familiar with The Velveteen Rabbit by Margery Williams, you’ll recognize that he is “real” because he has all the signs of being truly loved.
Anyway, all of the most important things I know about being a good chaplain I learned from Bear Bear. First of all, he is an amazing listener. Whether I was crying my eyes out or just chatting, he never flinched. He paid attention without judging, interrupting, or becoming distracted. I could see it in his eyes. He looked deeply into me as if to say, “no matter the words coming out of your mouth, I understand and love you.”
If Bear Bear’s empathy came through in his listening, it was most pronounced in his intuitive presence. He knew what I needed. Whether it was appropriate use of touch, distracting play, or wiping my tears, he paid attention to what the moment needed. He seemed to have an intuitive sense about when the right time was to hug and just be with me or when it was time to gently guide me into doing something different. I’ve come to believe that intuition is partially about how our brain works. But it is more a matter of truly being with someone so that all the contextual pieces form a clearer picture in that moment.
Bear Bear demonstrated his intuitiveness but more importantly, he paid attention to what that inner voice told him. He acted with both assuredness and gentleness. If there is a definition of pastoral authority, that is it. He was bold to reach out but soft to the touch. He was firm in his beliefs but nurturing to my development. He gave of himself but claimed personal time with friends (he played very well with others from the toy box). He looked for new ways of helping but honored our familiar traditions. Bear Bear offered who he was and what he could in whatever situation arose.
Gleaning from the lessons Bear Bear taught me, I’ve learned to communicate through my body language that I care, to truly sit in the moment with people so that my movements are purposeful, to listen to my inner voice and act accordingly, and so much more. As I consider everything I am as a chaplain, I first own a debt of gratitude to my mentor, guide, and friend Bear Bear. Thank you Bear Bear.
