At the risk of rubbing some people the wrong way, I need to
say that I am deeply frustrated and angered at the culture of shame that makes
people feel like they have to “fight” cancer.
Yes, I’ve lived through cancer 3 times and that involved fighting but
that’s not all it took and that’s not what it’s all about. It’s about life and love.
As I watch my mother decline and try to “fight” cancer even
though the doctors keep telling her it’s incurable, advanced, and medically
futile, I am enraged at her friend who had the gall to call me and tell me I
wasn’t loving enough because I thought mom should choose palliative care. I’m
pained to know my mom is in the hospital because of symptoms of chemo rather
than at home enjoying time with friends.
And most overwhelmingly, I feel powerless to overcome the chorus of
voices in my mother’s life who continue to shame her into fighting cancer
instead of enjoying a few good months of friendship and love.
I know that the people mean well when they push her and I'm
not questioning the motives behind that. I also know my mom is very scared and
doesn't want to miss her next grandchild's birth. I just wish we could join
together in a chorus of holding right now instead of disparate voices of mixed
messages.
