tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-89896015406220963942024-02-07T16:48:59.929-06:00Being With...Chaplain Lavender Kelleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15326364209499852976noreply@blogger.comBlogger78125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8989601540622096394.post-1394482063304656772015-12-14T23:59:00.001-06:002015-12-14T23:59:34.957-06:00Mary Did You Know? There is a beautiful Christmas song that captures the wonder of holding an infant and looking into the eyes of infinite possibilities. It’s called “Mary, Did You Know?” In that song, the bold expectations that we have in Advent are sung because we know that this is not just a season of expectancy for an infant but for a savior. We have the vantage point of history whereby we can beg the question, “Mary, did you know that your Baby Boy would one day walk on water?” But what does Advent offer us who cannot feel such hope or are trapped in oppression such that hope is a luxury we cannot afford? <div>
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No one would listen to a song that cried out, “Mary, did you know that your child would languish in depression such that death was hoped for?” A song that proclaimed, “Mary, did you know that your baby boy would be shot by police because he was too afraid to ask for help and too proud to act vulnerable?” would never receive any attention. So what does Advent have for those of us who are so pained by life that it’s hard to believe that a savior will be born? </div>
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I’m not writing this so that you will engage me on the fine points of theology. I have answers to that question that satisfy both my faith and my longing on the dark nights of my soul. But I’m asking that question because I know that joy does not come easily for many and hope feels too dangerous for some. I’m asking that question because we should pause to hear the cries of those for whom expectant hope is too much to ask. Please don’t tell me how your Savior has walked you through the darkness. Instead, look around for those who need your love to hold them through the pain. Please be hope in the darkness for others. That’s the Christmas miracle I'm praying for tonight. </div>
Chaplain Lavender Kelleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15326364209499852976noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8989601540622096394.post-69565844193343768942015-10-05T19:19:00.001-05:002015-10-05T19:21:19.253-05:00Too many people die from deadly illnesses like depression, bipolar, & schizophrenia. Think suicide is a choice? Think again. That's just one of the many mechanisms these deadly diseases use to destroy. But we can not take seriously just how deadly these illnesses are if people have to hide because of stigma. Educate yourself and others so that those who suffer in the darkness of isolation can receive help in the light.<br />
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I am absolutely convicted by the reality that we have to acknowledge mental illnesses as the deadly diseases they are in order to take seriously just how dangerous it is to live with them. Calling them anything less is a disservice to treatment and a dismissal to those who suffer.</div>
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Chaplain Lavender Kelleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15326364209499852976noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8989601540622096394.post-39042764226179743032015-07-25T11:00:00.001-05:002015-07-25T14:24:00.436-05:00It Still Hurts, God: A Narrative PrayerAbout 22 years ago, someone I trusted and admired turned on me due to my sexuality. He went so far as to suggest that my relationship with his teenage daughter (I was still a teenager too) was inappropriate. He made it clear that I had no business working with kids and cost me the first job I loved by outing me to the church where I was associate youth director. I always suspected he did this out of fear because he intuited that his daughter was struggling with her own sexual self understanding. Nevertheless, his betrayal created a pain in my life that would be reinforced by my internalization of his and other's homophobic ideas. It would be years before I would allow myself to be alone with a child because of the fear someone else might accuse me of something awful. When I was finally able to disentangle that pain from my pain with the church (which included 7 years of never going to church but still feeling a deep faith and sense of call), I tried my best to move forward from the fear and pain. But it would still be many more years before I could imagine working with children. Even as I began my career as a chaplain, I felt timid and fearful about being with children. At this point, I've been a pediatric chaplain for over 8 years living out God's calling and I still take extra measures to prevent even the possibility of someone making a false accusation. Will I ever heal from that experience? I don't know. But I do know that the man who betrayed my trust has changed his stance on homosexuality (thanks to a whim to look him up on Facebook). In fact, he retired from his professorship some years ago and is now an Episcopal priest posting things about love and growing in faith on his Facebook. This seems hopeful to me. But as the recipient of his fearful slander years ago, it strikes me how easy his path past that moment seems compared to how painful mine still is. Holy One, what is true justice? Please release me from the bonds of shame and fear. Amen.<br />
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<br />Chaplain Lavender Kelleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15326364209499852976noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8989601540622096394.post-12541898036389652852015-01-17T14:09:00.000-06:002015-01-18T07:15:34.406-06:00The Funeral That Should Have Been<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif;">On January 29, 2014, my mother died at the age of 65 from advanced
breast cancer. Her obituary, which I wrote, attempted to honor her extroverted spirit, love of music, and perseverant life. I wrote that obituary in spite of
the fact that I had a mostly troubled relationship with my mom that included
physical and emotional abuse when I was a child. I've spent years mending that
damage and stitching together the patches I needed transform myself into a
quilt that people find beautiful... and sometimes I do too. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif;">But I'm not writing because of that. I’m writing because I've had
a nagging discontent with her funeral. The minister she chose to perform her
funeral was her pastor. He had known her for many years and he did justice to
what was theologically important to her. Nevertheless, he missed an opportunity
to offer a different vision of redemption, hope, and healing for a woman who
was complicated to make sense of at best. This concern isn't as much for my
sake or the others in attendance at her funeral but more so for my nephews who
will someday want to understand who their grandmother was in a fuller way than
to say that she believed in Jesus Christ. Albeit an important part of my
mother’s identity, it doesn't begin to tell you her story or capture the
meaning that lives on in her legacy. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif;">I did speak briefly at Mom’s funeral and I offered a reflection
that came to me the night she died. As I stood in her quiet house standing
vigil over her body and waiting for the hospice nurse and mortician to arrive,
I felt a Holy presence that spoke the following meaning to me and I shared it
at her funeral. This is what I said that evening to the best of my
recollection:<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif;">Good evening. Thank you
for being here. Many of you know me but for those of you that don’t, I’m
Lavender, Mom’s daughter that lives in Chicago. I’m a minister and chaplain
there at a pediatric hospital. I was also educated as a Presbyterian pastor so
that means two things: I can find symbolism in anything and see the trinity in
everything. (pause for laughter) So, I’d like to share with you something that
happened the night Mom died and the symbol that marked the occasion. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif;">It goes without saying for
anyone who has spent any time around Mom that her life was marked by resilience
and patience rather than peace and good fortune, by perseverance and tenacity
rather than comfort and rest. It’s in recognizing that long-suffering that I
want to share a piece of scripture: <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif;">Revelation 7:9-17 - After
this I looked, and there was a great multitude that no one could count, from
every nation, from all tribes and peoples and languages, standing before the
throne and before the Lamb, robed in white, with palm branches in their hands. They
cried out in a loud voice, saying, “Salvation belongs to our God who is seated
on the throne, and to the Lamb!” And all the angels stood around the throne and
around the elders and the four living creatures, and they fell on their faces
before the throne and worshiped God, singing, “Amen! Blessing and glory and
wisdom and thanksgiving and honor and power and might be to our God forever and
ever! Amen.” Then one of the elders addressed me, saying, “Who are these, robed
in white, and where have they come from?” I said to him, “Sir, you are the one
that knows.” Then he said to me, “These are they who have come out of the great
ordeal; they have washed their robes and made them white in the blood of the
Lamb. For this reason they are before the throne of God, and worship him day
and night within his temple, and the one who is seated on the throne will
shelter them. They will hunger no more, and thirst no more; the sun will not
strike them, nor any scorching heat; for the Lamb at the center of the throne
will be their shepherd, and he will guide them to springs of the water of life,
and God will wipe away every tear from their eyes.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif;">I share this passage
because if you remember Tuesday night when she died, it snowed. And it wasn’t a
typical snow. It was that really fluffy beautiful snow that flocks everything
and cloaks the earth in white. And as I stood next to her body and watched out
the window, I just kept hearing in my heart, “Who are these, robed in white?”
“These are they who have come out of the great ordeal; they have washed their
robes and made them white in the blood of the Lamb.” Come out of the great
ordeal… made white in the blood of the lamb. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif;">It’s not a stretch to see
this story and connect it to Mom's experience and need for deliverance and
salvation. I stood there keenly aware of a new peace and release that Mom now
has. Her life did not end in the suffering of cancer or any of the other
circumstances that beat her down. It ended with release from pain and sorrow
and draped in a robe of white victory. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif;">Almost
a year has passed since I offered those words at her funeral. They still ring
true and begin to point to the story and meaning that is part of her living
legacy. She endured a great deal of suffering, loss,
sorrow, and heartache. Yet she sojourned on until the very end with remarkable
style. Even after she was diagnosed as terminal, she managed to fall in love
one last time with a very nice man and outlive her life expectancy because she wasn't finished visiting with her friends. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif;">See,
what has always stuck with me about Mom, regardless of all our past
difficulties, is that the woman would not give up. She survived a car accident when
she was 18 that left her partially paralyzed and neurologically impaired. Her
ability to walk was a miracle of stubborn persistence in and of itself if you
knew which muscles worked and which ones didn't. On top of that, the
neurological impact would cause painful ripples through the rest of her life.
The simplified version is that she was emotionally freeze framed in time, which
explains her inability to grow from mistakes and move past bitterness. Further
exacerbating that limitation was the fact that the doctors and her parents
never told her about that element of her injury. The loss of identity (she was
in college to become a professional pianist) and mobility from the car accident
was just the first in a long line of injuries and deaths that she would
confront. She also lived through abusive relationships and broken marriages. She
endured poverty and all the damages it causes to the mind, body, and spirit.
And she bore the oppressive weight of depression that was deeply complicated by
her sense of shame, bitterness, and sorrow. How she got up and got up and got
up each and every day is amazing to me. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif;">She couldn't make sense of why so many of her relationships were
fraught with strife because of her neurological limitations. Yet, she continued
to try to make friends, cultivate love, and be family to the best of her
ability. Regardless of the quality of those relationships, what is remarkable
is that she persisted in reaching out until the very end. She exhibited a kind
of hope in love and relationship that could change the world if we all had it.
Her refusal to give up is a kind of faithfulness that takes courage beyond
measure. Her willingness to love regardless of limits is a witness to the Holy.
And our ability to look at the whole Debbie with all of her flaws and yet see
her intention is a kind of graceful forgiveness. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif;">I know that what the pastor said at Mom’s funeral had integrity
with her beliefs but I want to make sure that our inheritance has integrity
with her life. In her obituary I wrote, “</span><span style="font-family: "Calibri",sans-serif; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">Her love of music, laughter, and
fellowship will continue to live on in all she touched.” It is my prayer that
her faithful, persevering hope lives on as well. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif;"><b>Epilogue</b></span><span style="font-family: "Calibri",sans-serif; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Calibri",sans-serif; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">In
my previous words, you will find echoes of my favorite theologian and pastor,
Reinhold Niebuhr. In his book <i>The Irony
of American History</i>, he said, <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Calibri",sans-serif; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">Nothing that is worth doing can be
achieved in our lifetime; therefore we must be saved by hope. Nothing which is
true or beautiful or good makes complete sense in any immediate context of
history; therefore we must be saved by faith. Nothing we do, however virtuous,
can be accomplished alone; therefore we must be saved by love. No virtuous act
is quite as virtuous from the standpoint of our friend or foe as it is from our
standpoint. Therefore we must be saved by the final form of love which is
forgiveness.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Calibri",sans-serif; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">I
also wish to share the words of Victoria Safford from her article entitled “The
Gates of Hope” because I think they have bearing on the steward I want to be of living Mom’s legacy. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Calibri",sans-serif; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">Our mission is to plant ourselves at
the gates of hope--not the prudent gates of Optimism, which are somewhat
narrower; nor the stalwart, boring gates of Common Sense; nor the strident
gates of Self-Righteousness, which creak on shrill and angry hinges (people
cannot hear us there; they cannot pass through); nor the cheerful, flimsy
garden gate of "Everything Is Gonna Be All Right." But a different,
sometimes lonely place, of truth-telling about your own soul first of all and
its condition, the place of resistance and defiance, from which you see the
world both as it is and as it could be, as it will be; the place from which you
glimpse not only struggle but joy in the struggle. And we stand there,
beckoning and calling, telling people what we're seeing, asking them what they
see.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<h1>
<span style="font-family: "Calibri",sans-serif; font-size: 11.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;"><span style="font-weight: normal;">Obituary</span><o:p></o:p></span></h1>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif;">Weaver, Deborah Keith</span><span style="font-family: "Calibri",sans-serif; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;"> – age 65,
passed away on Wednesday, January 29, 2014 at home surrounded by her children
and loving prayers from around the world. She was a vibrant presence in her
faith community and wide circle of friends.
Her love of music, laughter, and fellowship will continue to live on in
all she touched. She was preceded in death by parents Sam and Bea Keith;
husband Robert “RC” Weaver; brother Gregg Keith. She leaves to hold her memory: daughter,
Lavender Kelley of Chicago; son, Keith Fox of Kingston; grandsons, Kaiden and
Tanner Fox; and a host of beloved relatives and friends. Funeral services will be held at Second
Baptist Church in Lenoir City, TN on Saturday, February 1, 2014 at 6pm where Rev.
Rick Harrell will officiate. The family
will receive friends from 4:30pm prior to the funeral. In lieu of flowers the family requests that
donations be made to the American Cancer Society in her memory.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
Chaplain Lavender Kelleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15326364209499852976noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8989601540622096394.post-89800929964692221022014-11-16T09:46:00.001-06:002014-11-16T09:46:41.796-06:00Fear of Falling: Improv Jazz and My Wellbeing<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">I love jazz. I also have a great discomfort with jazz, specifically improvisational jazz. As I listen, I start to feel anxious as the piano and percussion pull farther and farther apart such that one or both will fall out of the song. I feel as disquiet arise in me when a song I “know” takes a turn I wasn’t expecting and now I don’t know where we’re going anymore. It’s as if the security blanket I turn to music to be suddenly smells and feels like it’s not my blanket so not very comforting.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">I try to tell myself that perhaps that’s okay. Getting pushed out of comfort zones is a good thing, it builds stamina and resiliency. But is that really true? Why do I keep doing this to myself? Why don’t I just stick to Louis Armstrong standards instead of drifting back to Art Tatum, Thelonious Monk, and Dan Tepfer? At some point I have to say to myself, “you’re just causing your own tension.”</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Well, I suppose I am. As uncomfortable as improv jazz makes me, I’m made better by it. It makes me think and challenge my norms. It makes me ask about the intentions of the artist. It also makes me discern the difference between a shift of genius and a shift of folly because not all improv is good improv. At times, it even connects me to racial and socioeconomic reflections because of the spirit that moves within the music.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Yet, even as I acknowledge the gifts of jazz, I also know that I can’t listen to it all the time. It makes me think and feel too much. That’s when I go back to songs that are more compact and tight in their presentation. That could mean a lot of styles of music. Frankly, what pop has going for it is its predictability and limited range. Sometimes I just need to know what’s coming next and that’s okay. Other times, I need to connect to a memory or disconnect from the present. Regardless, it can’t always be jazz.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">I guess what I’m getting at is the obvious. There is a time and a place for almost all musical genres. There is a reason why we love soundtracks and our lives have their own soundtracks as well. Music moves us and moves with us and for that I’m grateful. </span><br />
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Chaplain Lavender Kelleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15326364209499852976noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8989601540622096394.post-8742380695037393182014-10-14T18:56:00.006-05:002014-10-14T18:56:59.388-05:00I’d Do It All over Again… All of It<span style="font-family: inherit;">I’m having a bad day and when I have a bad day I write or draw or both. Today, you are the unwitting recipient of my bad day reflections. This bad day is brought to you by a phone call from my doctor telling me that a test I had the other week had some very concerning results. She wanted me to come to her office ASAP. Fortunately, I work right next to my doctor’s office so I was able to leave work and go straight over. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">When I arrived, she told me that she needed to do a biopsy of some cells, blah, blah, blah… of course by this point I couldn't hear much of what she said because I had hit my saturation level of stress for the day because this new thing means that both my wife and I are struggling with major health concerns. At any rate, we did the biopsy this afternoon and I hope to hear the results by the end of this week. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">But all this is not why I’m writing. See, for the umpteen thousandth time, I had to consider the question of “What if I die soon?” It’s a useful question when discerning practical matters like wills and such but that question never resides simply in the mind. For most of us, the only reason we sit down to think of the practical considerations is as a matter of lessening the emotional worries. The reality is that the emotional matters of fear, loss, and worry are what arise in most of us when faced with the question of our death or the death of a loved one. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">And those feelings and questions are where my family and I have been for the last 18+ months. I’ve walked through my mother’s death and the legacy of reckoning with an irreparable relationship. In other family members, I’ve faced untreated mental illness and substance abuse which often lead to death. I’ve also faced the very real and ongoing possibility of losing my wife to unexpected illness. Now, my own health is back in focus as well.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">But even that is not why I’m writing. I’m writing because all this brings up more than just fear of loss and the unknown. It also brings up the question of regret. Are there anchors of shame I’m dragging behind me? Are there relationships that should (note the difference between could and should) be repaired? Are there milestones left undone? </span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Of course the answer is yes for all of those questions. The honest answer is that I have lots of pain, heartache, and unpursued dreams in the ripples and wake of my life. My life story contains abuse, trauma, bipolar disease, cancer and all manner of crude survival techniques to get through decades of suicidal thoughts and haunting forces so I damn well should have events that I wish could have been another way. Nevertheless, I don’t look back with regret and I try to release the shame because those dark waters are nothing compared to the wonder and meaning in the journey to get here. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">The truth is that I did the best I could every step of the way given who I am and the resources available to me. The number of moments, relationships, and resources that would have had to be different in my life to produce a different outcome are beyond my capacity. But I do know that I tapped into every resource that came my way and never lost sight of the hope that tomorrow would be different… and it always was. But greatest of all, I held onto the wonder and the meaning.
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">Whether I live 50 days or 50 more years, the moments I passed through had meaning and I’ve shared that meaning with others to the best of my ability. Even during years of constant suicidal thoughts and depression, I survived on the moments where I saw glimmers of love, flashes of God, shining through other people. Still today, if I lost my wife to unimaginable illness, I’ve been blessed by our time in a way that I vow to always share in the world for its betterment. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">See, as much as I was overwhelmed by the prospect of cancer this morning, I’m even more clear that every moment has been worth it. I think it’s a false dichotomy to suggest that the opposite of regret is acceptance. The opposite of regret is resilient thriving in the meaning. Sure I want to lose 100lbs, coach rugby, publish extensively, and get a PhD but none of those accomplishments and none of my failures will ever count for more than the meaning in the moments that made them. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">I pray that all may know the meaning of their moments and grow from every one of them into a love of life and a passion for sharing that wonder. Amen.
</span>Chaplain Lavender Kelleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15326364209499852976noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8989601540622096394.post-24988418585700117662014-05-11T13:26:00.002-05:002014-05-11T13:26:41.657-05:00Mother’s Day Angst<div class="MsoNormal">
I never
feel happy about Mother's Day. It always leaves me feeling burdened with ghosts
of the past. But this year is way worse than usual. I recognize that it is in
part to do with my mom's recent death but I can't find the words to explain or
safe harbor to explore how bad it feels. Maybe it's because it snuck up on me.
I've been so busy. Maybe there just aren't good opportunities to explore this
on other days. Regardless, I'm making my situation worse and I don't know what
proactive steps I need to take to move forward in healthy ways.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I'm also
realizing as I sit with this that my extra pain is also about my brother. In
many ways, I've had a mother role with him and I'm in the God forsaken place of
watching him languish in depression, anxiety, and addiction. Worst if all, I'm
powerless to do much to help. So I definitely don't feel like celebrating my
role as a mother to him because I'm too busy trying to hold my fears of his down slide
at bay. There are other layers of sorrow for him as well that I can’t begin to
write out at this time but they are profound and deeply burdening.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Do you
know the poem<a href="http://www.oriahmountaindreamer.com/" target="_blank"> “The Invitation” by Oriah</a>? She goes through this litany where she
says she doesn't care about what position you hold or how much money you make
or the like. What she wants to know is about your inner integrity, passion, and
trust. I sort of feel that way about Mother's Day. I don't want to know how
many children you have and what you do to celebrate on this one day. I want to
know if you wake up and do what needs to be done as a parent day in and day
out. I want to know if you can look your mom in the eye and risk disappointment
for the sake of becoming the creation God called you to be. I don't want to be
celebrated on this one day as a mother. I want to witness the fruits of your
blossoming as my child and dance gratitude, sorrow, hope, pain and love every
day and not feel alone in that dance.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I
acknowledge I'm cynical about holidays in general because they often reflect
consumerism and idolatry more than true celebration. Yet, I am not feeling
cynical today. I'm sad and hurting.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<o:p></o:p></div>
Chaplain Lavender Kelleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15326364209499852976noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8989601540622096394.post-31655736047494910112014-04-03T16:28:00.000-05:002014-04-03T16:28:08.159-05:00Powerlessness of Love<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">“There can
be no deep disappointment where there is not deep love.” - Martin Luther King,
Jr.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">I keep
finding myself needing to write but unable to put words to page unless it is
for something I have to do like a recent grant proposal. As badly as I need the
outlet personally and professionally I just can’t seem to make myself do
it. I ask myself why. A lot of it is because of the emotional
strain I’ve been under due some touchy matters (don’t worry, my wife and child
are just fine). I feel hamstrung to talk about what is really bothering me
because it would either violate someone else’s confidentiality or draw
attention to someone that is already deeply vulnerable. This runs contrary to the lesson I learned
years and years ago which is secrets and silence will kill me. So, I’ve been managing as well as I can in
the midst of this silence where I’ve been cut off from my primary supports.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">It’s not
been pretty but by and large I’ve done pretty well. I’m still experiencing the
longest sustained period of my adult life of not being depressed (Yea!!!). This
is saying a lot because I’ve weathered some pretty significant strains in the
last few years, among them are my mother’s decline and death and a vocational
rejection that still has me searching for direction. Nevertheless, I persist… and
I’m not just surviving, I’m actually thriving for the most part. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">But this
damn silence is about to kill me. Talking to my wife and therapist just isn’t enough
to save my soul from the darkness that secrets and isolation breed. All this is
climaxing in a way that something has got to give soon. I’ve been going downhill for the past month
or so and I need that to stop NOW. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Maybe the
answer is to focus on my particular struggles within all of this. As I consider
that angle, I see where a primary agony for me is my feeling of powerlessness
to help someone I love not hurt more or outright self-destruct. Powerlessness is a difficult experience no
matter how self-aware one is. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">I am
powerless to fix the situation and I have to be careful how much responsibility
I take for helping because of some very complicated risks. Those two factors
collide in ways that leave me feeling agitated and downright angry… well,
really I feel fear and sorrow but for now they are manifesting as anger. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">As I’ve
looked for outlets and understanding I’ve remembered that the Psalmist knew much
about powerlessness and for now I find comfort in those cries. I look to the
One who knows all of us because we are fearfully and wonderfully made… so beautiful
and so precious that it evokes our deepest fears and our most profound awe.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">May this
journey through powerlessness lead me to a deeper understanding of all who love
and need love’s healing. </span><o:p></o:p></div>
Chaplain Lavender Kelleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15326364209499852976noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8989601540622096394.post-85449189800136083822014-01-11T14:05:00.000-06:002014-01-11T14:05:34.003-06:00You’d be so pretty if…<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">
I grew up hearing the phrase “You’d be so pretty if…”
followed by a myriad of pointers on how I <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">should</i>
look, act, think, and be.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>My mother and
grandmother were the primary users of this expression but I occasionally heard
it from others too.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They truly believed
themselves to be offering loving advice that would make me happy and better
liked by others.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But in reality, this utterance
deepened existing wounds and reinforced a message that I was not okay <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">as is.</i></span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"></span> </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Later, I would spend years of my adulthood working through the
wake of sorrow caused by repeatedly hearing “you’d be so pretty if… you weren’t
so fat… you walked like a lady… you didn’t play in the dirt… you weren’t so heavy…
you’re smile wasn’t crooked… you wore makeup… you wore more flattering clothes…
you didn’t look so manish…”.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>My family
didn’t realize that I was at times barely hanging onto life because of depression
and shame that dogged me so badly that suicidal thoughts were the norm for
me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Even if they had of realized what I
was going through, there still is not a world in which saying “you’d be so
pretty if…” is a healthy way to raise a child.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Lest you misunderstand my point, I’m not launching into this
to rail against my family.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I deeply
loved my grandmother and still miss her even though she died almost 12 years
ago.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And my mom is currently dying which
has led to a very interesting path for her and me to feel reconciled in a
positive way to the legacy of our complicated relationship.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>When it comes down to it, I believe my family
did the best they could to love me and I harbor no resentment over the things
that damaged me as I believe it revealed deeper wounds within my family for
which we all needed healing.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Nevertheless, I was dismayed to have this phrase rehashed
this past year as I was helping my mom with some things around her house.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I was immediately transplanted to my
childhood and all the shame and pain rushed back to me when my mom looked at me
with all sincerity and said, “you’d be so pretty if you just weren’t so fat.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I managed to cope with that moment in relatively
good fashion by telling my mom “the only people I care about think I’m
beautiful.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Later in the evening I
turned to my wife and social media for support to process it.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">The outcome of processing it is what I am primarily
interested in writing about today.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I
have spent time thinking about who I would be if I had taken all those pieces
of advice.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’ve considered what my life
would be like if I had looked, acted, and thought the way they believed would
make me pretty. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">What I’ve decided is that I would not be me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I would not even be real.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’d be a shadow of an image that bears no
resemblance to the gifts I’ve been given or the experiences I’ve had.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In fact, part of me believes that following
that advice would have led to my eventual suicide because the things that have
kept me alive in the darkest times are my abilities to eat pain, dress and
appear in ways that kept me out of competition within the social conventions of
women, and use my strong, broad, “manish” body to hold the weight of crushing
sorrow.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">When I look at who that person would be, I don’t see
pretty.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I see sad, empty, and lonely
because I would not have known how to be that person.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I am exactly who I was created to be.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I may never be able to see myself as pretty
but I know that I am strong, intelligent, resilient, charming, cute, playful, and
much more.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>When I hold all that I am, what
I’ve been able to survive and accomplish, and who encircles me with love, I figure
I’m about as beautiful as I’ll ever be.</span></div>
Chaplain Lavender Kelleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15326364209499852976noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8989601540622096394.post-23635590942102994122014-01-11T12:55:00.000-06:002014-01-11T12:55:55.937-06:00A Body Of...<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">A quote from Margaret Cho:<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt 0.5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">“If you are a woman, if you're a
person of colour, if you are gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender, if you are a
person of size, if you are a person od intelligence, if you are a person of
integrity, then you are considered a minority in this world. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt 0.5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"></span> </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt 0.5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">...And it's going to be really hard
to find messages of self-love and support anywhere. Especially women's and gay
men's culture. It's all about how you have to look a certain way or else you're
worthless. You know when you look in the mirror and you think 'oh, I'm so fat,
I'm so old, I'm so ugly', don't you know, that's not your authentic self? But
that is billions upon billions of dollars of advertising, magazines, movies,
billboards, all geared to make you feel shitty about yourself so that you will
take your hard earned money and spend it at the mall on some turn-around creme
that doesn't turn around shit. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt 0.5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"></span> </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt 0.5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">When you don't have self-esteem you
will hesitate before you do anything in your life. You will hesitate to go for
the job you really wanna go for, you will hesitate to ask for a raise, you will
hesitate to call yourself an American, you will hesitate to report a rape, you
will hesitate to defend yourself when you are discriminated against because of
your race, your sexuality, your size, your gender. You will hesitate to vote,
you will hesitate to dream. For us to have self-esteem is truly an act of
revolution and our revolution is long overdue.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">
I’ve been trying to write about the complicated relationship
I (and many people) have with body image, self-love, healing, and
transformation.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You see, if there is
anything I profess as a Christian, it is that Christ offers deliverance from
bondage and transformation into new life.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Yet this is something I have struggled to embrace all my life.</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"></span> </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">My awareness of this has never waned but it has been
heightened in the past few years because I’ve watched my wife lose about 100
pounds and experience a transformation from carrying body fat as a shield to
loving every ounce of herself as an expression of her life.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I envy her experience.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I wish I too could experience that. (I do not
want to oversimplify her experience as I know she still struggles every
day.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Nevertheless, she has accomplished
a great deal of growth and transformation.)</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"></span> </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Another reason my struggle to embrace my body and experience
healing has been especially obvious as of late is that I’ve grown increasingly
defensive for my wife.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>As she lost
weight, people would walk up to her and in all good nature tell her, “you look
so good” and “you look beautiful.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>While
I recognize that they mean to be encouraging and supportive, the unspoken
message of “you weren’t beautiful of good enough before” remains.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"></span></span> </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"></span><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">My blood boils for her, me, and all who struggle with body
image when this happens.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The common
experience that my wife and I share is that of using our bodies as a shield of
protection.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In similar ways, we have
dieted for acceptance, eaten to push away pain, and loathed our bodies for all
they pain and struggle they represent.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I
still do.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"></span></span> </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"></span><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">But she doesn’t.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She
has finally found the combination of space, support, and love to look at her
body one ounce at a time and love the way it has been a protector for her,
grieve the past, and transform it into a new creation.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s been so beautiful to watch.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Truly, there aren’t words for how life filled
and hope giving her journey has been and it’s not over yet.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I am grateful and honored to be a witness and
sharer in this journey.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"></span> </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">But where does all this leave me?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I still find myself in the despair of pain
from a childhood that should have destroyed me, depression that won’t stop haunting
me, and a body so full of scars seen and unseen that I can barely stand to look
at it on most days.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I want what my wife
has.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I want that deliverance and
transformation that I so deeply believe Christ offers.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Yet, I’ve never experienced that combination
of emotional space, physical energy, and external support that it takes to
sustain such a life changing, transformation.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Will I ever?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I don’t know but I
hope so.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">
</span>Chaplain Lavender Kelleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15326364209499852976noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8989601540622096394.post-65905447315698262332013-06-19T07:58:00.001-05:002013-06-19T07:58:27.965-05:00Fighting isn't Really Living<div class="MsoNormal">
At the risk of rubbing some people the wrong way, I need to
say that I am deeply frustrated and angered at the culture of shame that makes
people feel like they have to “fight” cancer.
Yes, I’ve lived through cancer 3 times and that involved fighting but
that’s not all it took and that’s not what it’s all about. It’s about life and love.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
As I watch my mother decline and try to “fight” cancer even
though the doctors keep telling her it’s incurable, advanced, and medically
futile, I am enraged at her friend who had the gall to call me and tell me I
wasn’t loving enough because I thought mom should choose palliative care. I’m
pained to know my mom is in the hospital because of symptoms of chemo rather
than at home enjoying time with friends.
And most overwhelmingly, I feel powerless to overcome the chorus of
voices in my mother’s life who continue to shame her into fighting cancer
instead of enjoying a few good months of friendship and love.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I know that the people mean well when they push her and I'm
not questioning the motives behind that. I also know my mom is very scared and
doesn't want to miss her next grandchild's birth. I just wish we could join
together in a chorus of holding right now instead of disparate voices of mixed
messages.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<o:p></o:p></div>
Chaplain Lavender Kelleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15326364209499852976noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8989601540622096394.post-70052924252413988282013-05-23T15:37:00.002-05:002013-05-23T15:37:25.827-05:00Tears of Hope<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">I’ve spent most of today crying.
This isn’t really surprising if you look at the current circumstances of
my life. My mother has terminal cancer,
my work has some difficult pieces of conflict that will not have resolution for
some time, and I have other family circumstances that I’m not free to discuss
publically but worry me to literal sickness and fill me with dread. But it’s not those things per se that have
left me crying today. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Today, I’m crying because of a wonderfully whole yet complicated sense
of vulnerability. Last night at work, I
sat with a family who discussed their child’s illness and I was struck in a
different way by their experience of fear and dread. I heard it in a way I had never fully
understood emotionally even though I did intellectually and academically. I heard their fear of death and it struck me
in a deeply personal way. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">See, I’ve spent most of my life outrunning a legacy of abuse, crushing
depression, and illness that have left me feeling as though my death would be a
welcome thing. In spite of my desire for
my suffering in this world to end, I’ve pushed forward and lived what others
would consider a full life. I’ve
cultivated a family, friendships, and pastoral relationships in a way that
reflect my faith that every moment matters in spite of my desire for my
suffering to end.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">But a funny thing has happened over the past few years. I’ve experienced healing in ways I didn’t
imagine and I hope isn’t done yet. I’ve
moved into and through the suffering to a place of peace with most of it. Some of it will always be there but I have a
growing sense that I am not just my suffering.
Maybe a better way to say it is that I am now living more and more
because I love life and not in spite of suffering.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Oh sure, I still have bad days and I suspect my predilection toward
suicidal thoughts will always be there but it isn’t all I am. Yet I’ve had to ask the question “who am I if
I’m not suffering?” because so much of my identity has been built around my
deep understanding of that experience.
Some would tell you that one of the reasons I’m such a good friend and chaplain
is that people sense I truly understand their sorrow and I’m not afraid to go
to the dark places with them. In part, I
believe that’s true. Nevertheless, I have a growing suspicion that it’s not the
whole story.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">All of this brings me to my tears of today. Since listening last night to that family’s
fears of their child dying, I keep flashing on my own precious life and all the
things I don’t want to lose or leave behind.
I keep thinking of my wife, daughter, brother, and others who I love so
deeply that their loss would break my heart into a thousand pieces. I keep thinking about my own tenuous health
and how desperately I don’t want to leave those things behind.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">For the first time in my life, I love more than I hurt and so I want to
cling to every precious second I have with those people. Before, their loss would have been more
shattering to an already pulverized soul.
Now, love lives so much larger that the thought of losing them or
leaving them fills me with vulnerability and brings tears to my eyes in an
ironically hopeful way. I say ironically
hopeful because it has taken finally outrunning my longing for death to realize
that my new fear of death reflects healing and restoration.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">I don’t know what all this will mean for my work as a chaplain. I can’t imagine that it’ll have a negative
impact. But that’s not really today’s
concern. For now, I’m crying. I’m crying for fear, for hope, for love. And these tears are sacred. Amen.</span><o:p></o:p></div>
Chaplain Lavender Kelleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15326364209499852976noreply@blogger.com1Chicago, IL, USA41.8781136 -87.62979819999998241.4995241 -88.275245199999986 42.256703099999996 -86.984351199999978tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8989601540622096394.post-29755122788672426532012-11-08T00:55:00.000-06:002012-11-08T01:06:18.779-06:00Post Election Blues... For Everyone <div><p>I always have such a difficult time explaining why I, as an Appalachian-lesbian-mother-chaplain-lover of people, struggle to be energized by presidential elections. People look at me with the "how can you not love Obama" look. I like him. I voted for him. Yet somehow I feel like this whole election missed the point. The constitution places the President primarily in charge of foreign policy. But what really effects most of our lives (clearly since we are at war this is not true for everyone) is local & state politics. Do you know who your alderman is? I do. Do you know where most of your tax dollars go? I do. And the bulk of the political impact on my life comes from the state & local level rather than the Feds. So why are people so excited/disappointed about the presidential election when most of the things that effect our education, economy, & security are close to home? </p>
<p>Please don't misunderstand me. I know what is at stake on a federal level. Nevertheless, I believe that more people are effected by what is happening close to home. What good does it do anyone to have a president who is pro gay marriage if they are living in a food desert or can't hope for a future because their schools are so bad?</p>
</div>Chaplain Lavender Kelleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15326364209499852976noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8989601540622096394.post-28646616300541979962012-10-10T21:43:00.003-05:002012-10-10T21:45:20.435-05:00National Coming Out Day... Again<span class="userContent">Tomorrow is National Coming Out Day and it always puts me in a pensive mood. I think back on the years of my life when coming out was a constant strain due to fear of actual and perceived discrimination and violence. I also reflect on the privilege that I have now as I work for a company that has progressive policies and live in a city where being a lesbian makes me just one in a crowd of… well… all<span class="text_exposed_hide">...</span></span><br />
<div class="text_exposed_root text_exposed" id="id_5076310c8ab0e3a30778888">
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kinds of people. Most especially I find myself reflecting on those who still struggle to find safety, acceptance, and love in a world that can be hostile to someone who is struggling to find their way. <br />
<br />
I applaud and honor all those who stand with courage to claim their sexuality today and every day. All of us who have and will come out find hope in one another. But trust me when I tell you that I want you to be more to me than the “gay couple down the street” or the “straight ally upstairs.” And I hope I’m more to you. As Pollyanna as it may seem, I still long for a day when I can just be Lavender rather than “the lesbian chaplain” or “the dyke next door.” The fact of the matter is that my sexuality has always felt like an exaggerated element of my life because I had to work so hard to protect it from others. It became a larger detail than what I do for a living or how I treat people. I understand that we are people of labels and categories. We’ve been at it since the day God commissioned Adam to name the animals. Nevertheless, I wish my label was related to the content of my character rather than my sexuality, race, gender, class, education, or age.<br />
<br />
On this National Coming Out Day, I pay tribute to all those who stand up for who they are. I also grieve for those who still struggle. And most especially I hope for a day when the quality of our love is of greater importance than who we love.</div>
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Chaplain Lavender Kelleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15326364209499852976noreply@blogger.com0Chicago, IL, USA41.8781136 -87.629798241.6889521 -87.94565519999999 42.067275099999996 -87.3139412tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8989601540622096394.post-64419544875698705052012-08-19T14:16:00.000-05:002012-08-29T14:19:15.026-05:00Feast of Life<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="color: black; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; mso-themecolor: text1;">Ordinary 20B – sermon based upon John
6:51-58<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: black; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-themecolor: text1;"></span> </div>
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<span style="color: black; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-themecolor: text1;">When
I sat down to read all four of the lectionary texts at the beginning of the
week, I was struck by how they all pointed to choices we had to make.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It was as if God was saying, My love, My
work, My grace are here and now you must choose how you want to participate in
it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And none of the texts highlight that
as much as this passage in the Gospel of John.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>But there’s more going on here than just an early sneak peek at a ritual
we call communion.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Jesus is pushing back
hard and we should ask ourselves why.<o:p></o:p></span><span style="color: black; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-themecolor: text1;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: black; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-themecolor: text1;">To
start off, we should look at what’s going on here.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But to do that, we need to put our minds in a
different place.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Pretend for a moment
that you don’t know what communion is.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Pretend that you live in a culture that is very faithful about observing
right and proper ways of handling food as a way of showing thanks to God for
the blessing.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Pretend for a moment you
live in a time where superstitious groups outside your culture thought there
was something mystical about blood and practiced odd sacrifices and sometimes
even drank human blood in search of eternal life.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Imagine how scary that must be.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Imagine how much safer you feel holding tight
to your rituals.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Are you there yet?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If you are, then you are thinking like a 1<sup><span style="font-size: x-small;">st</span></sup>
century Jew.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: black; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-themecolor: text1;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: black; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-themecolor: text1;">Now
that you’re thinking like that you’re ready to hear just how jarring and
bizarre Jesus’ words sound.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So, what was
going on in this passage?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: black; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-themecolor: text1;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: black; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-themecolor: text1;">Well,
in typical fashion, Jesus has drawn a crowd.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>He’s already been talking to a group of people, probably religious
leaders, in a synagogue and sharing wisdom and answering their questions.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>While talking to them, he gets the crowd
stirred up and anxious because he uses some imagery that appalls them.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He starts talking about eating his flesh.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Even before our passage from today’s
lectionary, he says in verse 35, “I am the bread of life. Whoever comes to me
will never go hungry, and whoever believes in me will never be thirsty.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So, he’s already rolled out this
language.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And they’re getting
uncomfortable. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: black; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-themecolor: text1;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: black; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-themecolor: text1;">Next,
in verse 41 it says, “the Jews there began to grumble about him because he
said, ‘I am the bread that came down from heaven.’ They said, ‘Is this not
Jesus, the son of Joseph, whose father and mother we know? How can he now say,
‘I came down from heaven’?’”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So, they’re
just trying to make sense of this.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Has
Jesus, the son of Joseph and Marry whom they’ve seen running around since he
was knee high to a grasshopper, converted to some pagan religion?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Who is he to claim the power of God?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It would be like one of the young adults from
this congregation going off to college and coming back to say, “I’m the son of
God and if you want to get closer to God, you need to believe in me and eat
what I give you.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If that happened,
you’d think the kid has gone and joined a cult!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: black; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-themecolor: text1;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: black; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-themecolor: text1;">So,
when we break into the lectionary passage for today at verse 51, it’s no wonder
the folks are uncomfortable and grumbling.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Jesus is freaking them out.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And
in verse 52 when it says “</span><span style="color: black; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; mso-themecolor: text1;">The Jews then disputed among themselves,
saying, ‘How can this man give us his flesh to eat?’” what’s really going on is
not just a argument.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The Greek verb is
indicates a certain level of anger and violence on their part.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: black; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; mso-themecolor: text1;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: black; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; mso-themecolor: text1;">And what does Jesus do?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>He pushes back even harder.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He
says “Very truly, I tell you, unless you eat the flesh of the Son of Man and
drink his blood, you have no life in you.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>You may think this is just a restatement but it’s not.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I</span><span style="color: black; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-themecolor: text1;">n verses 49-51, Jesus had spoken about “eating” the
bread from heaven, using the Greek verb “esthio.” But in verse 53 he starts
using a much different verb, “trogo.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>This word is not just to eat.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It
means to gnaw audibly.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And the nuance of
it indicates gnawing and eating with urgency. It is eating as though life
depends on it.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: black; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-themecolor: text1;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: black; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-themecolor: text1;">Now
remember, we’ve imagined ourselves in that day and time.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We have no idea what communion is and we’re
very afraid of people who drink blood so hearing this is bizarre and
frightening.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Are you disturbed yet?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Do you have a good image of what was going
on?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I hope so.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: black; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-themecolor: text1;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: black; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-themecolor: text1;">Oh,
and one more piece of context we should probably know is that the book of John
is a Gnostic Gospel.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If you want to know
more about that, ask me later.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But for
today’s purposes, what we need to know is that more than any other Gospel, when
we read something in John, there are always multiple layers of truth.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>John uses more metaphor, poetic imagery, and
symbolism than any other Gospel.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: black; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-themecolor: text1;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: black; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-themecolor: text1;">Now
zoom forward to today.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We know the
outcome of Jesus’ life.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We hear the
words of institution regularly.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We are
probably still afraid of cults that drink blood but it’s not part of our
everyday life.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So from here, let’s ask
ourselves, why would Jesus push at them so hard? What was Jesus trying to do by
making them so uncomfortable?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: black; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-themecolor: text1;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: black; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-themecolor: text1;">Well,
I’m no scholar but from what I’ve read and understand, I think it comes down to
two things: relationship and participation.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Jesus knew that the people he was talking to needed something jarring to
make them have a different relationship with God and their faith.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Remember most of them are likely religious
leaders who are not just set in their ways but also a bit arrogant about their
faith.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They are sure they know the will
and mind of God.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They know what steps to
take day in and day out to be faithful.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>They live by conforming to rules rather than being compelled by a hunger
for deeper knowledge of God.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So, it
seems to me that Jesus is trying to jar them into seeking God more fully
because they are not just hungry but famished.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>He’s trying to tell them that they can participate in the love and creation
of God here and now… relationship and participation.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: black; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-themecolor: text1;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: black; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-themecolor: text1;">A
word of caution:<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’m not in any way
calling the Jews a people of flat faith.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>As the first people of covenant with God, they hold a richness and
history of incredible faith that has overcome struggle that would make most of
us crumble.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I am only referring to the
particular folks Jesus is talking to in this synagogue in Capernaum.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Just like I do standing here, Jesus always
tailored his message to the listener so this is not a condemnation of the
Jewish faith.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It is a condemnation of
living a faith without hunger and passion.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: black; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-themecolor: text1;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: black; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-themecolor: text1;">Now,
why did we just go through that entire context explanation?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Well, first of all, if we just read it
without the context, we’re likely to think this is just about communion and
it’s not.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But more importantly, just
like people then, we need our faith challenged and jarred from time to time to
remind us of why we come here and what our calling is.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: black; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-themecolor: text1;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: black; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-themecolor: text1;">Remember
I said two words, relationship and participation.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>How often does our faith feel like it gets
flattened out into “do this and don’t do that so God will be happy with
us.”?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I suspect more than we would like
to admit.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Yet, the language of Jesus
calls us to be unrestrained and unleash our hunger for God in ravenous,
gnawing, messy, satisfying, and mysterious ways.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We are invited to gulp until quenched like
never before.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>A restrained faith is a
faith that has not fully responded to a relationship with God and has not yet
claimed full participation in the ongoing revelation of God with us.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: black; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-themecolor: text1;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: black; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-themecolor: text1;">And
what is our reward for living like this?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Why would we let the wildly whirling Spirit of God fill us?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Because Christ tells promises us eternal
fullness when we gnaw at the trough of divine food.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He tells us “Those who eat my flesh and drink
my blood abide in me, and I in them.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>It’s about relationship and participation.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: black; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-themecolor: text1;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: black; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-themecolor: text1;">So
what do we do with all this?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Well, I’m
going to suggest some steps that might help jar us out of the flat places in
our faith.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpFirst" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt 0.5in; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -0.25in;">
<span style="color: black; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold; mso-fareast-font-family: Arial; mso-themecolor: text1;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">1.<span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt/normal "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><span style="color: black; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-themecolor: text1;">Get really honest about the empty places in our
lives.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Where are we hungry, even starved
for fullness that lasts?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Where have we
been drinking yet still remain thirsty?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Where have we tried to fill those holes with flat rules rather than
abundant love? <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt 0.5in; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -0.25in;">
<span style="color: black; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold; mso-fareast-font-family: Arial; mso-themecolor: text1;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">2.<span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt/normal "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><span style="color: black; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-themecolor: text1;">Listen for God’s guidance.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In what ways is God leading us to be
filled?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>What experiences have we already
had of getting a taste of the true divine food?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>What can we do to dive deeper into the banquet of love God calls us to?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt 0.5in; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -0.25in;">
<span style="color: black; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold; mso-fareast-font-family: Arial; mso-themecolor: text1;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">3.<span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt/normal "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><span style="color: black; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-themecolor: text1;">Make the relationship grow by being open to God’s
outpouring to us.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Who can teach us
something we didn’t understand before?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Where have we missed God in our presence?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>How can we remain open to God even when it’s
scary?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpLast" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt 0.5in; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -0.25in;">
<span style="color: black; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold; mso-fareast-font-family: Arial; mso-themecolor: text1;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">4.<span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt/normal "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><span style="color: black; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-themecolor: text1;">Make the participation grow by sharing the passion
and feeding other’s hunger.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Who else can
we join with in growing our faith?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Who
can we share abundant love with?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Who has
been unwelcome or afraid to come to this table that we can reach to?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="color: black; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-themecolor: text1;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: black; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-themecolor: text1;">Sisters
and brothers, we are not called to be the frozen chosen.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We are called to abundant life.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Jesus uses jarring language and images to
remind us of the deep hunger that lives in each of us.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He invites us to eat and drink as if our
lives depend on it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We are invited into
relationship with God because God sent love to us first.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We are invited into participation with God
through the body of Christ.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And we are
invited to a feast that will fill us in ways that gives life abundant and eternal.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Amen.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: black; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-themecolor: text1;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
Chaplain Lavender Kelleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15326364209499852976noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8989601540622096394.post-70655601736151911312012-08-12T14:11:00.000-05:002012-08-29T14:15:31.196-05:00Christian and Human<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="color: black; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; mso-themecolor: text1;">Ordinary 19B –<span style="mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;"> sermon based upon </span>Psalm 130 & Ephesians 4:25-5:2<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: black; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; mso-themecolor: text1;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: black; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; mso-themecolor: text1;">Good morning.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s
wonderful to be with you this today and I’ll be with you next week as
well.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So, I hope to catch up on some of
the happenings in your lives and chat during coffee hour and such.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Regardless, I want you to know that you’ve
remained in my heart and prayers.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: black; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; mso-themecolor: text1;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: black; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; mso-themecolor: text1;">Well, I’m sure you won’t find this surprising but I’m
enthralled by today’s scripture passages.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>They have so much to offer.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Both
of them tell us so much about what a lived faith looks like… full of faults and
yet hopeful.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: black; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; mso-themecolor: text1;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: black; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; mso-themecolor: text1;">In fact, on Monday when I submitted my part of the
worship planning, including the sermon title, what stuck out to me was this
notion of being so deeply flawed yet so full of faith and hope in God’s love,
grace, and forgiveness.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>From that I
submitted the title in your bulletin of “<span style="mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;">Christian and Human.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But if I was
titling what this sermon has evolved into as I completed it, I might have
titled it, “A Guide to Christian Dialog.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="color: black; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold; mso-themecolor: text1;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: black; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold; mso-themecolor: text1;">In this passage we </span><span style="color: black; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; mso-themecolor: text1;">get a
glimpse into the early church and how they related.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>All the Pastoral letters in the New Testament
are quite wonderful in that way.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They
show us a way of talking with and relating to people that is concerned
primarily with the relationship between people instead of drawing lines between
them.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: black; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; mso-themecolor: text1;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: black; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; mso-themecolor: text1;">In just the first few lines of this passage, we find out
that lots of people’s flaws and sins are out there in the open for all to
see.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So much so that the writer of the
letter knows there to be thievery, dishonesty, resentfulness, and bitter
backbiting in that church.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You see, the
early church was made up as much or more so by people living on the edges of
society like criminals as it was by people engaged in more respectable forms of
theft like tax collectors.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And
resentfulness… well, there isn’t a group or person on this planet that hasn’t
been plagued by that one.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: black; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; mso-themecolor: text1;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: black; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; mso-themecolor: text1;">So this young church in Ephesus needed guidance on how to
live and the writer of this letter, being a good pastor, was offering them such
help.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But we can learn a lot more from
this than who was in the early church and how they were helped.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In this day and time, we don’t need someone
to tell us that stealing is wrong.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We
know.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And we don’t need to be reminded
that anger chips away at our relationships if we don’t handle it appropriately
because we’ve lived it for too long already.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>And most of us know that bitterness destroys us, even if we have a hard
time recognizing when we’re feeling or being that way.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: black; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; mso-themecolor: text1;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: black; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; mso-themecolor: text1;">So rather than a guided to do’s and don’ts, the lesson
most of us need from this passage is a guide to being Christian together… to
walk, and talk, and live together.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Whether
it’s us that struggles with how to talk and deal with one another or if we’re
on the receiving end other’s struggles, the fact remains that we all need help
supporting our relationships with Christian sisters and brothers.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: black; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; mso-themecolor: text1;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: black; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; mso-themecolor: text1;">Now before you say to me, “But Pastor Lavender, the
people I really struggle talking to are people of other faiths or no faith at
all…” let me say that what this passage teaches is good for all
relationships.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If you’d like to take the
lessons out in the world, go right ahead. I’m sure Jesus would approve.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But because the writer of this letter focused
on the Christian community I am too.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And
it’s good to start close to home because if we as a church can’t figure out how
to love and live with one another, then we have no witness for the world.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: black; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; mso-themecolor: text1;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: black; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; mso-themecolor: text1;">So let’s look at this passage.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We’re still the same resentful, dishonest
people today as humanity was then.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But
most people in the church today hide it better which makes us act even more
indignant when one of our members gets caught for cheating on taxes, reneging
on a promise, or treating another badly.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>In some ways, we’ve gotten so good at hiding our faults that our biggest
fear is being found out.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Deep on the
inside, we think to ourselves, “if they really knew how much I struggle to be
honest or faithful or generous, they wouldn’t like me very much.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: black; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; mso-themecolor: text1;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: black; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; mso-themecolor: text1;">So, the first big lesson this scripture reminds us of is that
we are all deeply flawed.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Not a one of
us isn’t constantly struggling with how to be more loving, generous, honest,
nurturing, forgiving, and grace-filled.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>We are all sinners and I don’t think I need to beat that one into the
ground too much because I suspect that most of us beat ourselves over the head
enough already.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But what does deserve a
reminder is that forgiveness is a gift from God and also a gift we should extend
to ourselves and others.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I suspect that
we can start from a place of remembering how much we fear the judgment of
others and struggle, then maybe our dealings with one another can be a bit more
gentle and loving as well.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: black; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; mso-themecolor: text1;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: black; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; mso-themecolor: text1;">This brings me to the second lesson from this
passage.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The writer is definitely naming
right and wrong ways of being but he isn’t wagging his finger in any one
person’s face.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>His primary concern is
with cultivating a relationship and being connected with other members of the
body of Christ.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He knows judgment
belongs to God.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>His job is to love first
and the guidance, nurture, and teachings will fall into place later.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Which is our second takeaway: We are to love
each other first and foremost.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If
something like an ideal or judgment stands in the way of loving someone else,
it isn’t their sin that’s the problem.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>And when others see us only as a circumstance in our lives or a problem
we’re facing rather than as a beloved child of God, the problem isn’t with our
situation.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: black; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; mso-themecolor: text1;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: black; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; mso-themecolor: text1;">This pastor knows as it says in verse 29 that when </span><span style="color: black; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-themecolor: text1;">judgmental or harsh talk comes out of our
mouths, relationships are destroyed.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He
reminds us to say “only what is useful for building up… so that [our] words may
give grace to those who hear</span><span style="color: black; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; mso-themecolor: text1;">.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Even
his own way of talking to them puts their wellbeing and relationship first
above ideals and judgment.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And in later verses
he reminds us to “</span><span style="color: black; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-themecolor: text1;">Put
away… all bitterness and wrath and anger and wrangling and slander… and be kind
to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ has
forgiven [us].”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: black; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; mso-themecolor: text1;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: black; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; mso-themecolor: text1;">When I was researching this sermon I read a commentary by
Rev. Mary Ricketts that struck me in some pretty powerful ways.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She wrote, “We might think this is obvious
since we believe that God is present in and a part of all of our relationships,
but it is amazing how often we speak as though God is nowhere near us… I find
it odd how often faith communities want to argue about ‘what the Bible says,’
while ignoring these types of texts that encourage straight talk, forgiveness
and extravagant love. Perhaps we should care more about the words we said and
how we said them than whether we agreed with one another.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: black; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; mso-themecolor: text1;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: black; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; mso-themecolor: text1;">And if you think about that, isn’t it the truth?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>How many of us have been sucked in by all the
arguing and dialog around Chick-Fil-A lately?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I venture to guess most of us have at least had 1 conversation in the
past 3 weeks about it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But in case you
missed it, here’s the rundown:<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Chick-Fil-A president Dan Cathy said with the same consistency that the
company has always held that they honor and uphold the “biblical definition of
the family unit.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We can discuss at
another time what might be right or wrong or nuanced or complicated with that
statement but what is more noteworthy is the vile social eruption this has
created.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Of even greater note is the
fact that some of the most hateful statements have been said by Christians on
various sides of this issue.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: black; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; mso-themecolor: text1;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: black; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; mso-themecolor: text1;">This is exactly what the pastor writing this letter was
talking about.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>What we say and how we
say it sometimes hurts more than what we believe.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And we can’t even get to the point of talking
about what we believe when we’re too busy hurling stones or ducking from ones
being hurled at us.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: black; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; mso-themecolor: text1;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: black; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; mso-themecolor: text1;">If you’ve been one of the handful of people that have
actually had meaningful dialog as a result of this Chick-Fil-A brouhaha, I’m
glad.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But I’ve been busy dodging the
boulders being hurled as people I love say mean things about other people I
love… Christian sisters and brothers putting belief about one particular issue
ahead of loving each other first.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s
been hard.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: black; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; mso-themecolor: text1;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: black; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; mso-themecolor: text1;">Look, y’all know me and know that I spend most of my time
wondering how to get it right and if we got it right.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I rarely stand firmly and say that I know
fully the will of God because God is just so much more than I can fully
comprehend.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But this is one of those
times that I will take such a stand.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I
know with absolute certainty that the minute I let the ideas in my head stand
in the way of loving you as a person is the minute I’m on the wrong side of
God’s will.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: black; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; mso-themecolor: text1;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: black; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; mso-themecolor: text1;">And lest you think I’m judging harshly the folks who have
been passionately debating this issue and even the ones who’ve hurled stones,
I’m not.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I understand the conviction,
earnest faith, and fears that underlie these types of debates gone wild.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In fact, it’s from a position of compassion
for just how hard it is to be “</span><span style="color: black; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-themecolor: text1;">imitators
of God” like the scripture says that I bring it up.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And I only bring it up here with you because
I know you and you know me so we have the relationship to talk about this
without fearing the judgment of one another.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I would never mention such a controversy if I were preaching in a church
unknown to me for fear of being misheard.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: black; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-themecolor: text1;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: black; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-themecolor: text1;">Which brings me to the
final lesson for us to take from this passage.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>This entire pastoral letter to the church in Ephesus would never have
been written if people weren’t hungry to continue to grow in faith.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And that’s where we still are today.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>No matter how we struggle with sin… no matter
which people we struggle to love… no matter where we are in our faith journey
as individuals or as a community, as long as we continue to be open to God’s
outpouring of love, we will grow in faith.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: black; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-themecolor: text1;">Sisters and brothers, this
is our calling: love God, love one another, love ourselves.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Gracious, extravagant, forgiving, nurturing,
abundant love… if that’s what we’re seeking or if that’s our starting place
with one another and God, then we can’t go wrong.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Amen.</span><span style="color: black; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; mso-themecolor: text1;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
Chaplain Lavender Kelleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15326364209499852976noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8989601540622096394.post-65885714544408733362012-06-21T06:21:00.000-05:002012-08-29T14:21:22.837-05:00Brief Political RantIf conservative politicians think corporations will leave the US if tax loopholes are closed, why are they throwing stones at the government? Where is the outrage that companies would function in such unjust and manipulative ways? Exploiting loopholes is still cheating because it violates the spirit of the law. Holding cheaters accountable is not unAmerican.Chaplain Lavender Kelleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15326364209499852976noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8989601540622096394.post-88354366676497887272012-05-27T12:11:00.000-05:002012-05-27T12:11:18.116-05:00Further Travels Along the Way<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">
In June of 2010 I began working as the regular supply pastor
at a Presbyterian church (PCUSA affiliated) in Northwest Indiana.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>At the time, it seemed like somewhat of a
cruel irony since I had left the PCUSA to become UCC after meeting and marrying
my wife which put me at odds with PCUSA polity.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Nevertheless, this church seemed like the place God was directing me so
I tried to stay open to where my faith journey and calling was leading.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Among my first hurdles were those of ethics and
transparency.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I am gay and my wife and daughter
would likely come with me to church.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The
exiting interim minister had known me for years and knew about my sexuality but
I didn’t think she outted me to the church.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>So, I had to make a decision.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">How was I going to answer the questions?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Would I just go ahead and come out?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>What was the right thing to do so that I had
integrity while not opening my family to undue scrutiny?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Furthermore, I didn’t want to bring to the
church additional turmoil in the midst of a time that was already fragile.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Very quickly I decided to answer any questions from congregants
honestly but not bring up the fact that I’m gay.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I advised my family to do the same.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>All the same, we did not necessarily go about
drawing attention to ourselves in that way.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>My reasoning for this choice was three fold.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>First, I personally have borne much pain as
some of my Christian sisters and brothers have hurled stones of hatred and fear
at me over the years.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s been a tough
journey that I still weep over from time to time.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Second, as a family, we did not have a need
to be supported in that faith community so our transparency was not necessary
for our well-being.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Likewise, we did not
need the pain that would come with a negative outcome.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Third, and most importantly, I believed my
time with them would be short and deemed the painful transitions of the church
and the existing sorrow of its members to be more important to address than
introducing an additional issue that would only serve to distract them from
what they actually needed.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They had
already been though too much to have someone “dump” an extra issue on
them.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They deserved to grieve and grow
through their existing difficulties before dealing with one more thing.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">With all that in mind I moved forward and what I thought was
going to be a “few preaching gigs” turned into more and ultimately lasted 20
months before they called a full time pastor.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I didn’t realize it would happen but I quickly fell in love
with the people at that church.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I saw in
them such love for one another and a deep faith.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They could not have endured the kind of pain
they had without it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You see, in the
past 10 years they had lost a much beloved pastor and then had a series of
short lived calls and interims that introduced various conflicts and near scandals
(the reasons for this are so complicated I will not even dare deal with it in this
writing because I can never do their experience justice).<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In the face of all this strife, the church
and its programs survived... they even thrived in some ways.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It was easy to for me to admire and even love
them.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">It seemed that they loved me too.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They liked my preaching style of balancing
teaching with practical ways of living faithfully.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They appreciated my reluctance to make grand
claims on behalf of God in favor of journeying together.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Most of all, they loved the way I loved
them.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>For a group of people who had felt
rejected and shat upon, they just wanted so badly to know that it wasn’t their
fault and that they were still loved by God... and a pastor.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I could give them that.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">One of my early sermons at the church was entitled “Along
the Way” and was based upon Psalm 107:1-9, 43.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>In it I said, “<span style="mso-ascii-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-hansi-font-family: Calibri;">this is a passage about life
happening.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Life includes the joyous and
the tragic and all that lies in between.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Not all these events happen because of God but God is in the midst of
them and still with us after them.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Our
job is to be open to God’s help.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Our job
is to keep journeying.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Our job is to
share in the journey with others around us.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>And we do this with hope knowing God is with us all along the way.”<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="mso-ascii-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-hansi-font-family: Calibri;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">“Along the way” became a phrase that I
would utter many many more times during my service at that church.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It became my mantra to them as I sought to
illuminate God’s presence and work in their midst.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It also became a mantra to myself as I
experienced a home and sense of calling like I had not previously had or
expected. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="mso-ascii-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-hansi-font-family: Calibri;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">In my time there, I never did out myself
from the pulpit even though I uplifted the justices issues associated with
gender and sexuality.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I kept my emphasis
on what they needed most.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Even as my
sexuality became known to many in the congregation, what people stayed focused
upon was what we had in common as people of faith trying to find our way
forward.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>With all the talk in our
culture about what is <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">wrong</i> with the church,
let me tell you that what is <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">right</i> was
the people of that church staying focused on loving one another and honoring
faith.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="mso-ascii-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-hansi-font-family: Calibri;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Don’t get me wrong.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It wasn’t always easy.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I know for a fact, my sexuality became a catalyst
for heated discussion amongst the Pastor Nominating Committee.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Also, I had many conversations with congregants
who were unaware of my sexuality as they made their opinions known about Presbyterian
polity, theology, and sexuality.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They
said things that were insensitive and at times even hateful.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Yet, my response was always to broaden our
understanding of love and keep us focused upon what God is doing and calling us
to.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span style="mso-ascii-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-hansi-font-family: Calibri;">In the months since my time ended at that
church, I’ve had time to reflect on what this journey meant and how it touched
me in ways I never imagined.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’ve come
to believe even more in the mantra of God with us “along the way” because of
the relationships that my family and I have formed with the people of that
church.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Our lives are forever changed
and better because of them.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Furthermore,
the church’s constant affirmation of God’s gifts in me and my time with them
served to heal old wounds that I thought would always be festering.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Honestly, I rarely know where God is leading
me but I can say without a shadow of a doubt that God has been, is, and will be
with us all along the way.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Amen.</span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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</span>Chaplain Lavender Kelleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15326364209499852976noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8989601540622096394.post-55644352672166952992012-05-22T11:40:00.000-05:002012-05-22T12:05:57.810-05:00Rant of SorrowPastors advocating concentration camps, liberals spewing hatred at conservatives, and at the heart of it all there are millions everyday folks suffering. Who are we? This is not Christianity! If we Christians can’t figure out how to be together, then we have no witness for the world. When people who serve the same Christ can’t stomach sitting at the same table together, there is a bigger problem than our theology. Our souls are at risk. God have mercy on us.
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Have we stopped to take account of how much money, donated by everyday faithful people, gets sucked up in Christians trying to fight one another on flashpoint issues like homosexuality? I’m not saying that it shouldn’t be addressed. I’m just saying that if we took that money and tried to work together then the fight might dissolve into appreciation for one another’s faith.Chaplain Lavender Kelleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15326364209499852976noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8989601540622096394.post-32351507898216803402011-12-11T14:53:00.000-06:002011-12-12T14:55:31.643-06:00Living Among UsAdvent 3B – Living Among Us – sermon based upon Psalm 139:1-6, 13-18 & John 1:1-14<br />
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Good morning. We’re halfway through Advent which brings us nearer and nearer to Christmas. As we’ve been journeying to Bethlehem, we’ve been exploring the themes of our Advent devotional. So far we’ve looked at the extraordinary faith that it took to journey under such conditions and the unexpected peace that was found in an unlikely place. This week, we’re going to focus on new life.<br />
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New life is a phrase that can mean lots of different things to us depending upon where we are in our own lives. It can be the very literal experience of having a child. It can also be an equally momentous occasion of a radical transformation where we find new life through the healing of an old wound. For example, think of helping someone else through their grief with the power of our own experience or the use of a painful encounters like bullying to help support others. New life can also be in finding new worth for something that was previously cast away. An example of this might be the renovating of an old building to usefulness or tapping into an old hobby for new pleasure. We’ve even used our God given skills to bring new life through organ donation. And each day we wake up and move forward in hope, we are claiming the promise of new life.<br />
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We could make long lists of our experience with new life and we should be able to do this. Why should we? Because as our gospel lesson says, “What has come into being in him was life, and the life was the light of all people. The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness did not overcome it.” See, by our faith and I would suggest by our very God given nature, we are seekers of life. We find darkness and destruction unpleasant, even unbearable. But life… now that’s something we really crave.<br />
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We crave it and God provides it. God’s love poured out on us and the glimpses of joy we receive when basking in that love are amazing experiences of life. Those feelings like our Psalm talks about of being held, understood, loved, known, supported, and special invigorate in us a sense of life and liveliness. To be fearfully and wonderfully made is to know life while at the same time having a sense of just how fragile and precious it all is. It’s diving into the wonder and experience no matter what the journey may bring.<br />
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So, let’s think back to Jesus’ birth for a moment. The past few weeks, we’ve talked about the uncertainty of this time and journey for Mary and Joseph. They moved forward in faith and hope but it was still an anxiety filled and treacherous time. In the time of the Roman Empire, over 30% of all babies born would die before they were a year old. Compared to today, far less than 1% of babies die in this country. I think the number is something like 0.6% infant mortality rate.<br />
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I believe the courage to bring a baby into a world where you know that 1/3 of your children will die young is pretty remarkable. And even if the baby lives, lots of other dangerous things awaited. The average life expectancy in that time was only 28. If you were lucky enough to avoid being in the army and you made it to adulthood, you might live to be 52 but that was a very hopeful expectation. So when ask what new life means in Bethlehem, I think we need to stop and realize that it means far more than what we might see at first glance here in the modern era.<br />
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You see, I think we don’t realize that when Angels foretold of this special baby becoming a special man, that was nearly unheard of in that time. Birthrights, future prospects, and such were not things that were typically discussed until a child neared adulthood because there were too many things that could go wrong. So when we read of God’s promise to this family that a child would be king, we are reading of something that is not only miraculous from a spiritual standpoint but also a miracle in a very practical way as well. <br />
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But assuming that we can wrap our minds around how amazing this story is, we are still left trying to figure out how to take this remarkable narrative and combine it with our God given desire for new life and do something useful with it. We know the true meaning of Advent and Christmas isn’t in shopping and gift giving or in decorations or holiday treats. There’s nothing wrong with those things but it’s not what that precious birth or the Word becoming flesh is all about. So what is it that ties all this together for us in our daily lives?<br />
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Well, in our gospel lessons the previous two weeks, we read Christ’s birth stories. They tell us of a special child who was coming to be a special leader, Emmanuel… God with us. This week’s gospel lesson reminds us that Christ lived and lives among us even still as the true light of God in our lives. As much as we love the birth stories in Matthew and Luke, I have to be honest and say that I find the true meaning of Christmas in this passage from John.<br />
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Let’s re-read part of this passage from John chapter 1: It goes, <br />
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In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. He was in the beginning with God. All things came into being through him, and without him not one thing came into being. What has come into being in him was life, and the life was the light of all people. The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness did not overcome it.</blockquote>
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He was in the world, and the world came into being through him; yet the world did not know him. But to all who received him, who believed in his name, he gave power to become children of God, who were born, not of blood or of the will of the flesh or of the will of man, but of God.<br /><br />And the Word became flesh and lived among us, and we have seen his glory, the glory as of a father’s only son, full of grace and truth.<br />
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What we’re really talking about here is creation. God brought all this forth. And why? Was it to prove God’s powerfulness? No. At its very core, all of God’s actions are born out of love. This light that brings things into being is a rich and full metaphor for love. The act of bringing a child into the world is an act of love. God’s reaching out to Mary and Joseph and all creation to become flesh and live among us is an act of love. Our craving for life is an act of love. The shedding the commercial elements of Christmas to get to the real root of God’s gift is an act of love. <br />
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Everywhere we look in this story, our lives, and God’s promises, we see that God is constantly reaching to us in love and the gift we receive in that is new life. This birth is “not of blood or of the will of the flesh or of the will of man, but of God.” New life is always about love and hope and promise in God. And new life is our gift to claim each and every day with the enthusiasm of a child opening the biggest Christmas present under the tree.<br />
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See, much like the way Scrooge in A Christmas Carol comes to live with Christmas in his heart every day of the year; we too can do that by embracing the love and new life that God offers us each day. Love that heals, hope that builds vision, peace that comforts, and faith that guides are ours when we open ourselves to what Christ has for us and God provides to us. This Word that became flesh, Emmanuel, God with us, is truly full of grace and truth.<br />
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But just like Mary and Joseph found it hard to claim God’s promise and new life in the face of so much danger, we too often find it difficult to claim new life in the midst of grief, worry, doubt, financial struggles, and other hardships. We may not face the same trials as Mary and Joseph but life is still fragile and complicated by adversity. Yet, our hope always lies in God and the promise of new life that is offered to us just as it was to Mary and Joseph.<br />
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Sisters and brothers, Advent, Christmas, and the journey to Bethlehem are times to recognize how remarkable God’s love is and the new life that can be found in Christ. The opportunity to embrace new life, renewal, and hope are rooted in the gifts God implants within us. God leads us through all that happens in our lives showing us ways to remember who and who’s we are. Life in Christ can be new life each and every day, redeemed and renewed. May we receive the love that God is pouring out and let it breathe new life into this holiday and all days. Amen.Chaplain Lavender Kelleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15326364209499852976noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8989601540622096394.post-31670224225052398252011-12-04T21:03:00.001-06:002011-12-04T21:08:11.486-06:00Peaceful RefugeAdvent 2B – sermon based upon Psalm 34:1-7, 15-22 & Luke 2:1-20<br />
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Good morning. As we continue to make our way toward Bethlehem, we are looking more deeply at some of the gifts that Advent brings. In case you missed it last week, each week in worship we are tying in the theme from the Advent devotional in a variety of ways. The music, liturgy, and even the scriptures have been chosen to walk us through the true gifts of this season. This past week, we've explored the gift of faith. On this second week of Advent we're looking at the gift of peace. And new life and love are the themes we'll connect with in the coming weeks. <br />
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So today, we have a story of what it looks like to have nearly everything you think could go wrong, go wrong and still it turns into the best Christmas ever... well, I guess it's the first Christmas ever.<br />
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All joking aside, it really is one of those stories that we might be tempted to rush to the happy ending and say it all worked out. But it wasn’t easy to get to that happy ending. A nine month expectant mother and her fiancé had to take a dangerous trip because the government needed to tax them. Upon arrival, there wasn’t room for them in the inn nor did they have the money for a nicer place. We can assume they didn’t have family in the area either. They were all alone and in a bind. But they found refuge in a barn and in the end discovered blessings and a peace they could have never imagined.<br />
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Most of us are unlikely to have such an experience that is still being told over 2000 years later but it is much like many experiences we have all had. For example, on the way to what was supposed to be a special dinner out for my grandmother’s 75th birthday, we got a flat tire. Then, I stained my shirt changing the tire. At this point we’re running late and if you knew my grandmother, you’d know that punctuality is next to Godliness. By the time we got to the restaurant, we were so late they gave away our reservations. So, we walk down the road to a greasy spoon diner because it's the only place without a wait and we're tired and hungry and cranky by this point so we go in. <br />
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Once inside, we meet a server who smiles and treats us like family. She brings us coffee without asking because she can see we're cold. She tells the soup is no good but the meatloaf is outstanding. And it turns into an evening of comfort and refuge in an unlikely place.<br />
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That is a true story and I can tell you lots of others. In my work at the hospital, I meet people all the time who think the worst thing that could ever happen to them would be for their child to be sick and in the hospital. They cry with agony and worry about how they don't think they can handle it. They wonder where God is and why this is happening. They feel alone and lost in a strange place.<br />
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But if they keep their eyes open and don't succumb to the despair, what they find is people that have their best interest at heart. They feel hands of care and concern that will hold them in the tough moments. They experience support that comes in unexpected forms and packages. And most importantly, they find God working in their lives, even in this unfamiliar and scary place. I can't tell you how many families when referring to the hospital say to me something like, "This place has been the home we never expected and blessing we didn't know we needed."<br />
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Life is like that. Just when it isn't going the way we wanted, we find that God has prepared a place for us where we least expected it. And God is like that. When we toil in the brokenness of the world, God reaches out making a safe harbor in humble and unexpected places. <br />
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So, what do we make of all this? Why is it that sometimes we find God in the dark places and sometimes we don't? Is it that God wants to help us some of the time and other times we're on our own? Is it that God picks and chooses on supporting us? <br />
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Well, I don't think it works that way. From what we learn in this scripture and what I've seen working at the hospital and in my own life, I believe that God is always reaching and supporting us even if we can't always see it. And more than that, I suspect that we would be far worse off if God weren't constantly reaching toward us to help and support us. Oh, it’s true that sometimes we succumb to despair or become blinded by bitterness or get lost in the mire of worry so much so that we can no longer see God's work and provision for our lives. But when we can stay open to God's work, amazing things happen.<br />
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Let’s think back on this story for a minute. If Mary had let the worry of such a long journey overcome her, we wouldn't have such an amazing birth story. If Joseph had let the frustration about having to travel at such an in convenient time blind him, he might have mouthed off to the inn keeper and not even gotten to use the barn. If the shepherds had been more concerned with their own matters, they would have missed seeing the young messiah. Things in this story weren’t going so well for them but they kept journeying forward faithfully. And because they did, they found God’s love and provision laid out for them.<br />
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See, this journey toward Bethlehem is one of unknowns and fears like we talked about last week. But faith is journeying forward anyway. Yet, God gives us more than what we need for just a faithful journey. We can find peace along the way. We can know safe havens and helpful nurture. We can experience God's love and work for us that is present and reaching to us even when we can't yet see or receive it. But when we can, peaceful nights of sleep, calm in the storm, and blessings in the midst of difficulty are there for us to claim.<br />
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So how do we tap into God’s support for us when we’re just nearly so overwhelmed that we can’t take another step? How do we keep from letting frustration about our circumstances and disappointments get the better of how we deal with it so we can be open to the peaceful refuge God has offered? And what does that refuge even look like?<br />
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Well, just like in our biblical story and the stories I told, it requires openness on our part to believe in and see God’s blessing in the tough times. I’m not saying that we have to just be optimistic. Being optimistic is not always realistic. For example, we can’t use positive thinking to take care of mortgage difficulty or brokenness in our relationships. Optimism alone in such situations would leave us homeless and alone. <br />
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Instead, openness to the goodness around us is more like faith than optimism. It’s listening to that inner voice to pick up the phone and call a friend for help rather than toughing it out alone. It’s allowing ourselves to see something differently so that we recognize the blessing instead of seeing just another obstacle. It’s knowing that we are really not alone and that if we hold fast to what is truly important, we will find safe harbor even if it doesn’t look like what we expected. <br />
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Sisters and brothers, the journey to Bethlehem was a tough one but God provided from them in ways they didn’t know and couldn’t expect. Still today, God is working in our lives to help us along the way. As we journey in faith, may we always be open to the peace and refuge that God offers regardless of what it looks like. May we support one another to ease the burdens. And may we truly experience God’s provision for us when we need it most. Amen.Chaplain Lavender Kelleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15326364209499852976noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8989601540622096394.post-16426974417358483532011-11-28T20:55:00.000-06:002011-12-04T21:02:53.555-06:00Onward In FaithAdvent 1B - Sermon based upon Psalm 42 & Matthew 1:18-2:12<br />
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Good morning and welcome to Advent. This is a season of expectancy and preparation. A season of joy, hope, and promise. And given the themes of our advent devotional and sermon series, it is also a season of faith, peace, new life, and love. <br />
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You’re going to notice a pattern in the coming weeks that lead us all the way through Christmas. Each week’s theme that goes with the devotional is going to be lifted up in worship in multiple ways. The devotional theme is The True Gifts of Christmas: The Journey to Bethlehem. The music, prayers, liturgy, and even scriptures will go along with the weekly theme. Each week we'll have a Psalm that captures the emotional experience of the theme and a Gospel passage that tells the story.<br />
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But for now, we’re here on the first week of Advent. We enter with the theme of faith and the story told in Matthew about Jesus's conception and birth. If ever there was a story of faith in God, this is it.<br />
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Here we have a young unmarried woman who finds out she's going to have a very special baby. The scripture tells us that her fience doesn't want to disgrace her but he's still going to “quietly dismiss her.” After transformative encounters, they both believe in God’s will for this child move forward to have the baby. <br />
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From the Luke story of Jesus’ birth we also know that they had to make a journey to Bethlehem for census and taxation. That must have been horrible. Can you imagine setting out on a donkey, a man and a 9 month pregnant woman, in a time when life was so much more treacherous than it is now?<br />
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And even after Jesus is born, King Herod sends spies so that he can plot against the young Messiah, Emmanuel, God with us. But they too had a transformative experience rooted in joy and did the right thing to protect this child.<br />
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And our Psalm this morning is also a true story of faith. It is about the fear and anxiety we experience when we can’t quite feel God’s closeness to us. We want to lash out as the Psalmist does with “Why have you forgotten me? Why must I walk about mournfully because the enemy oppresses me?” But just as with Mary and Joseph, the Psalmist remembers “hope in God.”<br />
These are some pretty powerful scriptures if we pause to let them capture our feelings and imagination. So, what do they have to tell us on this first Sunday of Advent?<br />
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Well, I think one of the messages is that just because we’re journeying faithfully doesn’t mean that it’s smooth sailing. It’s often an anxiety and fear filled path. Even Joseph was going to leave Mary because he couldn’t understand how God’s plan for Mary included him and I imagine he felt a lot of social pressure as well.<br />
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How often are our lives like that? Maybe it’s that we know what the right thing is to do but we feel the pressure and embarrassment of what others are saying around us. Or sometimes it’s that we are not sure how we fit into God’s plan. Or sometimes it’s more a feeling like the Psalmist had of wondering where God is in all this and how to remain faithful while it feels so dark. When faced with loss, uncertainty, and other things that raise our fear level, our lives, just like Mary and Joseph’s are filled with moments that make our faithful walk forward feel more like a burdensome trudge. <br />
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Whether it’s the journey of the PNC in search of a pastor or the daily work it takes to make relationships last, we are ALL journeying… and sometimes it’s a tough one. But here’s where the story turns. <br />
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God reassures Joseph of his part in all this. Then God protects Jesus from Herod. God even touches the wise men and they go on a different path. Hope and joy healed them from their worries, doubt, and uncertainty. In the case of the wise men, quite literally, the story tells us that they were overwhelmed by joy. <br />
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I think this is the real heart of our scripture lesson for today. We worry and struggle in uncertainty quite often. And it becomes a cycle that just gets worse if left to our own devices. The more we worry, the more we drag ourselves down. The more we drag ourselves down, the more we fret about digging back out of the hole of fear, grief, and depression. The more we fret about those things, the more ashamed we feel. And the more ashamed we feel… well, that’s just a terrible spiral downward. <br />
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But God’s support and love for us is never wrapped up in fear or shame or overly burdensome toil. God reaches out to us with hope and joy offering us help to put one foot in front of the other and continue our faithful journey. That support comes in all kinds of forms. In the case of Joseph, it came in the form of messenger from God and I imagine it also came in the form of support from people around him and most especially from Mary. For the wise men, they found support from God to do the right thing through an intense sense of joy at the witness of a phenomenon in nature right before meeting Jesus. And while most of us don’t have an experience of meeting and angel, I know that all of us have met messengers from God or had experiences that coincided with special event that invigorated our faith. <br />
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See, this is what faith is about, whether it’s during the season of Advent or any other time. We are on a journey and each and every day is another opportunity to keep moving forward toward the hope and promise of God while being open to the nurturing support God gives us.<br />
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Now, I’m not trying to make this sound easy. I’ll give you a deeply personal example. All my life, even as a little child, I’ve struggled with depression. It seems to be genetic because most of my family struggles with it. Depression has gripped me in ways that I’ve often felt forgotten by God. The way depression chokes off the light is painful. And after feeling the emptiness and darkness months on end, I’ve even thought that it wasn’t that God had forgotten me. I’ve felt that God must be punishing or cursing me. Now logically, I know that isn’t the case. But depression is an illness that tells us lies about ourselves, others, and God.<br />
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Having struggled with this illness for most of my 37 years, I can tell you quite a few things about finding God in the darkness and what faith looks like when you barely have the energy to get out of bed. But I can also tell you that faith cannot be stifled or destroyed by darkness, fear, worry, doubt, and uncertainty. <br />
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Just like Mary and Joseph, I have found God’s support every step of the way. Just when I thought I couldn’t bear the isolation any longer, God has sent messengers that reminded me who and who’s I am. God has placed people in my life to help me when I couldn’t help myself. When I needed a jolt to point me in the right direction, God has shown me great joy through phenomenon in nature. God has called me forward in love all along the way. <br />
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God’s nurturing love and my faith in that love have helped me journey forward every step of the way. In fact, you’ve even been part of God’s work in my life. As you know, I’m a chaplain and I work night shift at Children’s Memorial Hospital. Working night shift is more than a choice. It’s a metaphor for my experience with God. Because I’ve had to work so hard to find God in the long nights of depression, I want to be part of God’s light to others in the night. I never thought I’d work in a church because I thought my place was in the darkness.<br />
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But being here with you has shown me that God calls me into the light as well. The way you’ve encouraged me and the relationships I’ve built here have shown me new paths in my own faith journey. My faithful journey is not only that of holding people in the night but also that of proclaiming God’s radiance in the light and you’ve been the ones who’ve helped cultivate that in me and show me God’s way for which I’ll always be grateful.<br />
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Now I didn’t tell you all that to spew out my own story. I told you about my journey because I believe it speaks to the struggles we’ve all had. Advent, holidays, faith, journeys, family, church… all of these things are precious but they also stir in us anxiety and fear about the unknown. But God is with us, each and every one of us. God is speaking and leading and calling us every step of the way.<br />
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Sisters and brothers, as we move forward in Advent, may we have faith that God is alive and well in all areas of our lives. Even when it feels scary or burdensome, God is with us, offering us support wrapped in love rather than fear. Our job is to keep putting one foot in front of the other on this journey taking the next step in faith and being open to all the ways God is supporting us. Emmanuel, God with us… We welcome you! AmenChaplain Lavender Kelleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15326364209499852976noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8989601540622096394.post-74050962995681819292011-10-30T12:20:00.000-05:002011-10-31T12:33:16.796-05:00Reformed & Always Reforming<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Ordinary 31A – sermon based upon Micah 3:5-12 and Matthew 23:1-12</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Good morning. It is good to be with you today. I’ve been thinking about you a lot lately. It’s hard not to. You’ve become so dear to me that you stay close to my heart. And I note that for two reasons. One: I believe we should all know when we’ve been valued and loved and I love and value you. And Two: It relates to the ultimate point of today’s sermon. That if we are living the love of God, then meaningful relationships, God inspired changes, and love-filled growth become a way of life.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Now you may be asking how I got that conclusion from two biblical passages about leaders who abuse their power. Well, let’s start down the trail and I promise that’s where we end.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">See, today is Reformation Sunday and that’s a kind of interesting day in the church because we get to remember the past, honor change, and look to see how we’re doing today. A quick history lesson is that around the 16th and 17th centuries the church leadership, at the time primarily Roman Catholic, had become overrun with leaders who were everything that today’s scripture in Micah and Mathew say not to be. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">They waged war against the most oppressed. They took bribes and acted with great injustice with their power, land, and money. They told people to follow God’s law but did as they pleased. They put heavy burdens and cast harsh judgment upon people, displaying no concept of mercy and compassion. They did religious activities for the purpose of being seen and honored personally. To say that many in religious power were corrupt would be an understatement.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">For example, the church would rent out its farm land at unfair prices, control what could be grown, and take more than a fair share while leaving the families that worked the farm starving. And what’s worse, some priests would then tell families that their loved ones were spiritually condemned to hell for not giving even more to the church. For sure the church has always had people who abused power but this was just a horrible time in the history of religion! </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">So, an uprising of faithful people began and they started in separate places and pockets of just a few. But as the movement grew and communities caught wind of the change the Spirit was blowing in and around Europe, this movement grew into what we call the Protestant Reformation.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">The Protestant Reformation brought with it some key changes and some key ideas. Part of is was a call to return to what today’s scripture says about not being in leadership roles over and above one another. We are to be in servant roles with each other. I mean that when the bible says don’t be called a Rabbi it doesn’t mean that we are not to have specialized callings. But it does for sure mean that no calling stands over another. Those religious leaders that had taken advantage of others would have and could have never done that if they started from a place of knowing that they are but mere servants in the broader, more beautiful body of Christ. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Another idea of the reformation was to recognize that God’s work is alive and well and still being revealed to us. Just as Micah proclaims that he has power and Spirit and justice and might because he possessed a living faith, we too are called to live with the movement and reflect the ongoing revelation of God in the world.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">John Calvin believed that the we must have the presence of the Holy Spirit in order to approach the biblical Word of God because it is with the help of the Spirit that the Word becomes alive in our hearts and lives. He also reminds us that Jesus Christ is the Word of God and that we live and move and thrive in this ever morphing body… full of truth in this moment and always revealing more.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">From Luther and Calvin and others, some important pieces of doctrine immerged that reflected this call back to a more genuine faith. If it is that we are servants together and that God is working in and amongst us then we must be both redeemed and still being further redeemed, meaning that God’s work is both sufficient in us and that we are called to be more. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Similarly, the near mantra of the Reformation emerged. In Latin it was said, “Ecclesia semper reformanda est” (Latin for "the church must always be reforming") or semper reformanda, "always reforming.” It’s not enough that we as individual people of faith grow and change. The church, both as an institution and as a body of believers, must grow and change. Complacency and denial of the Spirit’s guiding presence is what had brought the church to the problems it was having at the time.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">So here was this uprising and it was at times violent, at times spirit filled debate, and at times exciting renewal. It was not just about ideas and doctrine. It was about the lived life of faith. And while we know that the Protestant Church rose out of this movement, we should also recognize that several other meaningful changes happened in other groups of Christians as well. The Catholic church did get the message and made some changes. The Anabaptists, Anglicans, Puritans, and others rose out of the movement. What could defiantly be said is that this was a time where people were in tune with the call of the Holy Spirit to not be complacent and to be open to where God led them.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">So when I look back at that time, I find myself asking what was really going on in people’s lives. What did the average day in a Christian’s life look like? And this is where I come to the conclusion that I shared with you earlier. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">See, everyday people were building churches… not necessarily grand cathedrals but just modest churches. They were connecting with people they would have never come in contact with before. The walls between pastor and congregation were redefined with servant leadership in mind. People were reading the bible in their own language for the first time in their lives. It was amazing!</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">What were my words earlier? I said that if we are living the love of God, then meaningful relationships, God inspired changes, and love-filled growth become a way of life. And that’s what that time looked like in the everyday lives of people. And it’s’ also the history of the reformation and of the Presbyterian Church. When we think we’ve got it all figured out, the Holy Spirit comes and reminds us that we are called to deeper relationships, other forms of faithful witness, and growth that reflects that love of God. We are reformed and always reforming. Both sanctified through God’s grace and always becoming more in the life of God’s ongoing revelation.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Do you like history? I do. And I’m especially fond of that history. It’s the story of us. And I don’t just mean this church. I mean it’s the story of our lives. If we are complacent and don’t listen to the leading of the Holy Spirit we fall into corrupt decay. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Look at the global economic crisis of today. How did that happen? Well, it was too many political and financial leaders were abusing their power and acting unjustly. Meanwhile, everyday folks extended unearned trust and didn’t question what was going on. And just like Micah said, it laid to waste our land… or economy in this case.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">But this isn’t just paralleled in global issues. The Reformation is also mirrored in our private lives. Sometimes we think we are content with our lives. We don’t want to change. Yes, there are some things going on like an old hurt or perhaps a relationship that is causing pain but we’d rather ignore it than do something about it. And over time, it erodes and damages our self and ability to love even more.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">You see, the Christian life is one that demands that we honor the holiness of God’s gifts in the present but also live in openness to the Spirit and where it is leading. Reformed and always reforming. The global economic crisis would have never happened if people had been living, as I suggested before, the love of God whereby meaningful relationships, God inspired changes, and love-filled growth become a way of life. And the decay and crumble of our lives would not happen either if we were living this way.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Now, a word of caution… this is a “we” thing. I’m not saying that if someone has struggles that it is their fault for not being faithful enough. Just as Micah and Matthew both reinforced, we are in community, bound together. My struggles represent my difficulties but my struggles equally represent the failure on the part of others to respond and support me in healing relationships.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">For example, the person mired in grief or bound by a history of abuse defiantly has a responsibility to reach toward and receive the love and healing of God. But we each also have a responsibility to reach back to them and do the same whereby meaningful relationships, God inspired changes, and love-filled growth are reflected in our way of life. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">And this is where we find ourselves today. Economically, we are in a very anxiety and fear filled time. The church, both locally and universally, is also having painful struggles that represent the push and pull between being reformed and continuing our work of reforming. Our lives are places where injustice, pain, complacency, and fear gain too much power over us and abuse us. It would be easy to feel like this is a pretty dark place.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">But there is another motto of the Reformation that applies here. In Latin it is “Post Tenebras Lux” which translated is “After darkness, light.” At the dawn of the Reformation, people were nearly hopeless. They were being crushed by the decay. But light does come and God is always near. History would tell us this was the end of the dark ages and beginning of the Reformation. But we know it was simply being open to the Holy Spirit once again, just like Micah and Matthew call us to today.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Sisters and brothers, our calling is to embrace the love of God and the Holy in the present… to be reformed. Our calling is also to let that love hold and open us to the Spirit who guides us into ever more meaningful relationships, God inspired changes, and love-filled growth that becomes a way of life… to be always reforming. We need not fear this path because we are God’s and we are One in the Body of Christ. Amen.</span>Chaplain Lavender Kelleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15326364209499852976noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8989601540622096394.post-10570304697510633822011-10-02T12:38:00.000-05:002011-10-31T12:42:53.974-05:00Building The Kingdom<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">
</span><span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif";"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Ordinary 27A – </span></span><span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif";"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Sermon
based upon Psalm 19 and Matthew 21:33-46<o:p></o:p></span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif";"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Good
morning.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s good to be with you on
this World Communion Sunday.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s a
special day when we pause to recognize in gratitude all the different peoples
and cultures in which Christianity and the fellowship of the table thrive.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So you might be wondering what today’s
scripture message does to uphold that notion because on the surface, it just
doesn’t seem to fit.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif";"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">I
mean here we have this story of gang like violence where the workers of a
vineyard scheme against the owner, selfishly claim their own superiority, and
even brutally kill the owner’s servants and son.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So what is up with this passage that it shows
up in the lectionary on World Communion Sunday?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
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<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif";"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">This
passage is one of those parables that stands out from Jesus’ usual teaching
parables.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This parable does not use
story telling to reveal something of the nature of God, as do so many others
parables. One of the reasons is that rather than being aimed at the every day folks
of faith, this one is aimed at the religious leaders.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So this parable that seems to have been
misnamed “the parable of the wicked tenants" really should be something
else. The tenants, of course, play a major role, because Jesus is pointing to
the way the Pharisees have mistaken their leadership over Israel for outright
ownership of Israel.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But the real focus
of the parable is to clarify who Jesus is. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif";"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Now
when I started writing this sermon, I thought I’d spend a lot of time talking
about the history of what all the symbols mean and what it’s getting at but I’m
going to do something else instead.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So,
I’m going to give as quick an overview of the historical and symbolic
significance and meaning as I can.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And
then I’m going to move forward to something more practical.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But if you feel like you missed out on some
of the nitty gritty of deciphering this passage, just ask me later and we can
discuss it for hours.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif";"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">So
we have this cast of characters.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The
tenants represent the religious leaders who are more concerned with their own
wealth and status.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They want to
“inherit” is rightfully Jesus’.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They are
responsible for pointing Israel to God, yet they have instead pointed her to
themselves. The indictment, then, is not against the people Israel per se, or
even against the temple "institution," but rather against God's
appointed leaders.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The slaves symbolize
prophets sent by God to call the leaders back to God’s purposes.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The son represents Jesus, the son of
God.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And the owner represents God.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif";"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Well,
the tenants kill the slaves and the son in an attempt to claim the inheritance
from the owner.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But then the owner comes
and restores the son that was previously cast off… killed.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And all of this points to how amazing the
works of God are.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif";"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Who
is Jesus according to this parable? He is the Son who has come to reclaim what
rightfully belongs to his Father. He is the Son whose mission is violently
rejected by the Father's own tenants. He is the Son whose rejection is
vindicated by the Father. And he is the Son whose vindication prompts the final
judgment of the unfaithful tenants.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif";"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">In
coming to reclaim what rightly belongs to his Father, the Son sets out to
restore the world to its divinely created order. One need only look at Jesus'
ministry to see what this looks like: the sick are made well, sinners are
restored, and God is praised.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In short,
Jesus brings wholeness to a broken world, providing glimpses into what he
elsewhere calls "the kingdom of heaven."<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif";"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">So
that is the somewhat quick overview of this passage.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But there’s a part I want to zero in on.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Verse 40 reads, “Now when the owner of the
vineyard comes, what will he do to those tenants?" <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif";"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">That’s
really the million-dollar question, isn’t it? What will he do to them? What
will the one in charge do to those who have blatantly, flagrantly disobeyed and
violated their roles?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They’ve even
committed murder.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif";"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Well,
listeners said the owner should kill them all and start fresh.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But let’s go back to what all this
symbolizes.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Is that what God did to the
Jewish leaders?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Is that what God does to
religious leaders today that go awry?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Is
that how God deals with any of us in our failings?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif";"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">No
it is not.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Jesus may have been pointing
to himself as the savior but he was also pointing to a God that never gives up on
God’s people.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This parable tells us that
the son who has been killed… you know, Jesus will be restored and become the
cornerstone, holding all of this together.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif";"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">God’s
work is not that of smiting and smacking us down when we fail.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>God’s work is that of restoring and
reconciling us.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>God raised up his son
and restored him for the goodness and healing of creation.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif";"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">This
stands in stark contrast to persons of faith in that time and still today who
act with self serving intentions.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They
call for judgment of those around them.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>They use the failings of others to feel superior while ignoring the log
in their own eye. They see control and conquest rather than reconciliation and
healing.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif";"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">But
before we get too carried away with all these “they” do this and “they” do
that’s, we need to be humble enough to see that sometimes we all fall into that
kind of judgmental thinking.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We get
focused on our particular ways of doing things and turn those into our
standards instead of using God’s measuring stick of love and mercy.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif";"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">And
I think that is the real point of this parable today.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Jesus was talking to the Pharisees but if
Jesus told us this parable today, and we replied with “kill the tenants,” I
hope we would be able to see that the message of Jesus being a conduit for
restoring the kingdom through peaceful means instead of vengeful ones would
sink into our hearts and minds.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I hope
we could see God’s interest in making creation whole rather than clear cutting
the land.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And I hope we can receive the
healing of that part in us that calls for retaliation so that we can be
co-creators with God in building the Kingdom.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif";"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">So
here we are.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s World Communion Sunday
where we celebrate the way God has reached out with wide arms to the world.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We collect the Peacemaking offering that goes
to programs both near and far that work to be beacons of God’s peace, love, and
mercy.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And even if those things weren’t
going on, we ourselves need a good bit of God’s love and mercy rather than the
judgment and shame we so often heap upon ourselves and one another.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif";"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Sisters
and brothers, we’ve gone all the way from a bizarre parable of gang like
violence to God’s message that healing comes through the peaceful and loving
reconciliation through Christ. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>That’s
one wild journey.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But I think it mirrors
our own experience.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We have no trouble
imaging the violence but we have trouble making the leap to peaceful
healing.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But that is the point. We don’t
have to make the jump.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Christ made the
leap for us.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And thanks be to God for
that.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-language: EN-US;">Our charge is to be humble and open to God’s work of healing and
reconciliation. May we be every willing to be part of the Kingdom God is
building with us.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Amen.</span></span></div>Chaplain Lavender Kelleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15326364209499852976noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8989601540622096394.post-91934288260899343432011-09-27T17:16:00.000-05:002011-09-27T17:16:48.771-05:00The True MiracleI am blessed to know a lot of chaplains and religious leaders from many faiths and backgrounds. While we share and grow through the diversity of our experiences, the true gift is the camaraderie we have in a particular shared experience. We each want so deeply for the people we encounter to grow more deeply in their faith.<br />
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To grow in faith sounds simple enough on the surface but in reality most of us feel like Paul in his cry from Romans 7, “I do not understand my own actions. For I do not do what I want, but I do the very thing I hate.” The truth is that all of us struggle to grow in faith in some way. It might be the adhering to spiritual practices or it could be the living out justice filled beliefs. Regardless of the particulars, faith is always marked by some sort of strife.<br />
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Next come the behaviors we use to cover our pain and sorrow. That too is varied in its expression. For some, they hide the pain by delving into false piety and “holier than thou” behaviors. Others of us take on the experience as a personal failing resulting in self-loathing. Still others work very hard to desensitize themselves and live in the proverbial bliss of ignorance. <br />
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We religious leaders bump up against these behaviors that are symptomatic of faith struggles both personally and professionally. Whether it’s congregational life, hospitals, or park benches the sore spots of our faith struggles are out there to be rubbed and made even more raw. <br />
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This is where that shared experience of clergy comes back. Our desire for people to grow either becomes a healing balm or an irritating liniment to those sore spots that reveal the faith struggle. When we are blessed to witness healing, it is a deeply meaningful experience as a person of faith. However, when that healing doesn’t occur it can be painful, frustrating, and even consuming when our own faith struggles take this experience personally.<br />
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I feel such deep sorrow when I watch other clergy become so wounded and discouraged with the strife they experience and the perceived lack of growth in their flock that it becomes a barrier to their own faith and participation in creation. All this leads me to what I see as the true miracle. To me, the true miracle is that in spite of humanity’s bent toward violence, destruction, and fearfulness healing continues to occur and the lives are transformed. <br />
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When we look throughout history, it’s remarkable that faith persists at all. The perception of “end days” violence today holds nothing against the atrocities against people, races, and nations throughout history. I personally might have lost faith in God if I had been part of the one million plus Armenians slaughtered in the early 1900’s or witnessed the inquisitions of the 12th and 13th century. Moreover, these are not isolated incidents. The pain and suffering of humanity when we look at the lives of everyday people has been and continues to be on a scale that most privileged people in the United States cannot begin to imagine. And yet, faith persists. The violence we wrought on one another cannot seem to squash the meaningful ways faith keeps us going despite all that we face.<br />
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We, as clergy, keep looking for people of faith to become something wholly different and completely transformed. I personally even preach about transformation in a way that unfortunately misleads people into thinking that they are chasing after a destination rather than an ongoing process that will be ever challenged and ever changing. But the reality of history and our daily lives is that of a process. We take steps forward that are met with a new challenge that could push us back. <br />
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Therefore, when we see people that work to stay bind to the injustice of the world or persons in the hospital who act “tougher than cancer,” we are seeing defense mechanisms that have been heaped on after experiencing so much disappointment and pain. Deep down they want to live a life of faithfulness that matches an unrealistic ideal. Deep down, that ideal crushes. But again, instead of completely running away, humanity finds a way to maintain some level of faith in spite of the struggles. <br />
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Truly I can’t tell you how many people I know that are completely unable to forgive themselves for their struggles in faith yet act content in their faith on the outside. Sadly, the notion of a loving and forgiving God is not near as difficult to grasp as the concept of forgiving ourselves. And still, we persist in faith.<br />
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The call of faith is tough and the notion of celebrating the journey is rarely upheld or practiced. We place too much emphasis on the destination or expect people to be at a point on their journey that is unrealistic given their experiences and level of faith. Yet, I suspect that reorienting ourselves to celebrating even the little milestones is what we need if we are to heal the sore spots that become barriers to healing. That healing likely won’t bring about a radical transformation in the church, but it is part of the ongoing work that counteracts the sorrow, fear, and destruction of the world. May we all be instruments of healing and peace that represent the true miracle of creation.Chaplain Lavender Kelleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15326364209499852976noreply@blogger.com0