The True Miracle

I am blessed to know a lot of chaplains and religious leaders from many faiths and backgrounds. While we share and grow through the diversity of our experiences, the true gift is the camaraderie we have in a particular shared experience. We each want so deeply for the people we encounter to grow more deeply in their faith.

To grow in faith sounds simple enough on the surface but in reality most of us feel like Paul in his cry from Romans 7, “I do not understand my own actions. For I do not do what I want, but I do the very thing I hate.” The truth is that all of us struggle to grow in faith in some way. It might be the adhering to spiritual practices or it could be the living out justice filled beliefs. Regardless of the particulars, faith is always marked by some sort of strife.

Next come the behaviors we use to cover our pain and sorrow. That too is varied in its expression. For some, they hide the pain by delving into false piety and “holier than thou” behaviors. Others of us take on the experience as a personal failing resulting in self-loathing. Still others work very hard to desensitize themselves and live in the proverbial bliss of ignorance.

We religious leaders bump up against these behaviors that are symptomatic of faith struggles both personally and professionally. Whether it’s congregational life, hospitals, or park benches the sore spots of our faith struggles are out there to be rubbed and made even more raw.

This is where that shared experience of clergy comes back. Our desire for people to grow either becomes a healing balm or an irritating liniment to those sore spots that reveal the faith struggle. When we are blessed to witness healing, it is a deeply meaningful experience as a person of faith. However, when that healing doesn’t occur it can be painful, frustrating, and even consuming when our own faith struggles take this experience personally.

I feel such deep sorrow when I watch other clergy become so wounded and discouraged with the strife they experience and the perceived lack of growth in their flock that it becomes a barrier to their own faith and participation in creation. All this leads me to what I see as the true miracle. To me, the true miracle is that in spite of humanity’s bent toward violence, destruction, and fearfulness healing continues to occur and the lives are transformed.

When we look throughout history, it’s remarkable that faith persists at all. The perception of “end days” violence today holds nothing against the atrocities against people, races, and nations throughout history. I personally might have lost faith in God if I had been part of the one million plus Armenians slaughtered in the early 1900’s or witnessed the inquisitions of the 12th and 13th century. Moreover, these are not isolated incidents. The pain and suffering of humanity when we look at the lives of everyday people has been and continues to be on a scale that most privileged people in the United States cannot begin to imagine. And yet, faith persists. The violence we wrought on one another cannot seem to squash the meaningful ways faith keeps us going despite all that we face.

We, as clergy, keep looking for people of faith to become something wholly different and completely transformed. I personally even preach about transformation in a way that unfortunately misleads people into thinking that they are chasing after a destination rather than an ongoing process that will be ever challenged and ever changing. But the reality of history and our daily lives is that of a process. We take steps forward that are met with a new challenge that could push us back.

Therefore, when we see people that work to stay bind to the injustice of the world or persons in the hospital who act “tougher than cancer,” we are seeing defense mechanisms that have been heaped on after experiencing so much disappointment and pain. Deep down they want to live a life of faithfulness that matches an unrealistic ideal. Deep down, that ideal crushes. But again, instead of completely running away, humanity finds a way to maintain some level of faith in spite of the struggles.

Truly I can’t tell you how many people I know that are completely unable to forgive themselves for their struggles in faith yet act content in their faith on the outside. Sadly, the notion of a loving and forgiving God is not near as difficult to grasp as the concept of forgiving ourselves. And still, we persist in faith.

The call of faith is tough and the notion of celebrating the journey is rarely upheld or practiced. We place too much emphasis on the destination or expect people to be at a point on their journey that is unrealistic given their experiences and level of faith. Yet, I suspect that reorienting ourselves to celebrating even the little milestones is what we need if we are to heal the sore spots that become barriers to healing. That healing likely won’t bring about a radical transformation in the church, but it is part of the ongoing work that counteracts the sorrow, fear, and destruction of the world. May we all be instruments of healing and peace that represent the true miracle of creation.