I’d Do It All over Again… All of It

I’m having a bad day and when I have a bad day I write or draw or both. Today, you are the unwitting recipient of my bad day reflections. This bad day is brought to you by a phone call from my doctor telling me that a test I had the other week had some very concerning results. She wanted me to come to her office ASAP. Fortunately, I work right next to my doctor’s office so I was able to leave work and go straight over. 

When I arrived, she told me that she needed to do a biopsy of some cells, blah, blah, blah… of course by this point I couldn't hear much of what she said because I had hit my saturation level of stress for the day because this new thing means that both my wife and I are struggling with major health concerns. At any rate, we did the biopsy this afternoon and I hope to hear the results by the end of this week. 

But all this is not why I’m writing. See, for the umpteen thousandth time, I had to consider the question of “What if I die soon?” It’s a useful question when discerning practical matters like wills and such but that question never resides simply in the mind. For most of us, the only reason we sit down to think of the practical considerations is as a matter of lessening the emotional worries. The reality is that the emotional matters of fear, loss, and worry are what arise in most of us when faced with the question of our death or the death of a loved one. 

And those feelings and questions are where my family and I have been for the last 18+ months. I’ve walked through my mother’s death and the legacy of reckoning with an irreparable relationship. In other family members, I’ve faced untreated mental illness and substance abuse which often lead to death. I’ve also faced the very real and ongoing possibility of losing my wife to unexpected illness. Now, my own health is back in focus as well.

But even that is not why I’m writing. I’m writing because all this brings up more than just fear of loss and the unknown. It also brings up the question of regret. Are there anchors of shame I’m dragging behind me? Are there relationships that should (note the difference between could and should) be repaired? Are there milestones left undone? 

Of course the answer is yes for all of those questions. The honest answer is that I have lots of pain, heartache, and unpursued dreams in the ripples and wake of my life. My life story contains abuse, trauma, bipolar disease, cancer and all manner of crude survival techniques to get through decades of suicidal thoughts and haunting forces so I damn well should have events that I wish could have been another way. Nevertheless, I don’t look back with regret and I try to release the shame because those dark waters are nothing compared to the wonder and meaning in the journey to get here. 

The truth is that I did the best I could every step of the way given who I am and the resources available to me. The number of moments, relationships, and resources that would have had to be different in my life to produce a different outcome are beyond my capacity. But I do know that I tapped into every resource that came my way and never lost sight of the hope that tomorrow would be different… and it always was. But greatest of all, I held onto the wonder and the meaning. 

Whether I live 50 days or 50 more years, the moments I passed through had meaning and I’ve shared that meaning with others to the best of my ability. Even during years of constant suicidal thoughts and depression, I survived on the moments where I saw glimmers of love, flashes of God, shining through other people. Still today, if I lost my wife to unimaginable illness, I’ve been blessed by our time in a way that I vow to always share in the world for its betterment. 

See, as much as I was overwhelmed by the prospect of cancer this morning, I’m even more clear that every moment has been worth it. I think it’s a false dichotomy to suggest that the opposite of regret is acceptance. The opposite of regret is resilient thriving in the meaning. Sure I want to lose 100lbs, coach rugby, publish extensively, and get a PhD but none of those accomplishments and none of my failures will ever count for more than the meaning in the moments that made them. 

I pray that all may know the meaning of their moments and grow from every one of them into a love of life and a passion for sharing that wonder. Amen.

Further Travels Along the Way

In June of 2010 I began working as the regular supply pastor at a Presbyterian church (PCUSA affiliated) in Northwest Indiana.  At the time, it seemed like somewhat of a cruel irony since I had left the PCUSA to become UCC after meeting and marrying my wife which put me at odds with PCUSA polity.  Nevertheless, this church seemed like the place God was directing me so I tried to stay open to where my faith journey and calling was leading. 

Among my first hurdles were those of ethics and transparency.  I am gay and my wife and daughter would likely come with me to church.  The exiting interim minister had known me for years and knew about my sexuality but I didn’t think she outted me to the church.  So, I had to make a decision.

How was I going to answer the questions?  Would I just go ahead and come out?  What was the right thing to do so that I had integrity while not opening my family to undue scrutiny?  Furthermore, I didn’t want to bring to the church additional turmoil in the midst of a time that was already fragile.

Very quickly I decided to answer any questions from congregants honestly but not bring up the fact that I’m gay.  I advised my family to do the same.  All the same, we did not necessarily go about drawing attention to ourselves in that way.  My reasoning for this choice was three fold.  First, I personally have borne much pain as some of my Christian sisters and brothers have hurled stones of hatred and fear at me over the years.  It’s been a tough journey that I still weep over from time to time.  Second, as a family, we did not have a need to be supported in that faith community so our transparency was not necessary for our well-being.  Likewise, we did not need the pain that would come with a negative outcome.  Third, and most importantly, I believed my time with them would be short and deemed the painful transitions of the church and the existing sorrow of its members to be more important to address than introducing an additional issue that would only serve to distract them from what they actually needed.  They had already been though too much to have someone “dump” an extra issue on them.  They deserved to grieve and grow through their existing difficulties before dealing with one more thing. 

With all that in mind I moved forward and what I thought was going to be a “few preaching gigs” turned into more and ultimately lasted 20 months before they called a full time pastor.

I didn’t realize it would happen but I quickly fell in love with the people at that church.  I saw in them such love for one another and a deep faith.  They could not have endured the kind of pain they had without it.  You see, in the past 10 years they had lost a much beloved pastor and then had a series of short lived calls and interims that introduced various conflicts and near scandals (the reasons for this are so complicated I will not even dare deal with it in this writing because I can never do their experience justice).  In the face of all this strife, the church and its programs survived... they even thrived in some ways.  It was easy to for me to admire and even love them.

It seemed that they loved me too.  They liked my preaching style of balancing teaching with practical ways of living faithfully.  They appreciated my reluctance to make grand claims on behalf of God in favor of journeying together.  Most of all, they loved the way I loved them.  For a group of people who had felt rejected and shat upon, they just wanted so badly to know that it wasn’t their fault and that they were still loved by God... and a pastor.  I could give them that.

One of my early sermons at the church was entitled “Along the Way” and was based upon Psalm 107:1-9, 43.  In it I said, “this is a passage about life happening.  Life includes the joyous and the tragic and all that lies in between.  Not all these events happen because of God but God is in the midst of them and still with us after them.  Our job is to be open to God’s help.  Our job is to keep journeying.  Our job is to share in the journey with others around us.  And we do this with hope knowing God is with us all along the way.”

“Along the way” became a phrase that I would utter many many more times during my service at that church.  It became my mantra to them as I sought to illuminate God’s presence and work in their midst.  It also became a mantra to myself as I experienced a home and sense of calling like I had not previously had or expected.

In my time there, I never did out myself from the pulpit even though I uplifted the justices issues associated with gender and sexuality.  I kept my emphasis on what they needed most.  Even as my sexuality became known to many in the congregation, what people stayed focused upon was what we had in common as people of faith trying to find our way forward.  With all the talk in our culture about what is wrong with the church, let me tell you that what is right was the people of that church staying focused on loving one another and honoring faith. 

Don’t get me wrong.  It wasn’t always easy.  I know for a fact, my sexuality became a catalyst for heated discussion amongst the Pastor Nominating Committee.  Also, I had many conversations with congregants who were unaware of my sexuality as they made their opinions known about Presbyterian polity, theology, and sexuality.  They said things that were insensitive and at times even hateful.  Yet, my response was always to broaden our understanding of love and keep us focused upon what God is doing and calling us to.

In the months since my time ended at that church, I’ve had time to reflect on what this journey meant and how it touched me in ways I never imagined.  I’ve come to believe even more in the mantra of God with us “along the way” because of the relationships that my family and I have formed with the people of that church.  Our lives are forever changed and better because of them.  Furthermore, the church’s constant affirmation of God’s gifts in me and my time with them served to heal old wounds that I thought would always be festering.  Honestly, I rarely know where God is leading me but I can say without a shadow of a doubt that God has been, is, and will be with us all along the way.  Amen.

Living Among Us

Advent 3B – Living Among Us – sermon based upon Psalm 139:1-6, 13-18 & John 1:1-14

Good morning.  We’re halfway through Advent which brings us nearer and nearer to Christmas.  As we’ve been journeying to Bethlehem, we’ve been exploring the themes of our Advent devotional.  So far we’ve looked at the extraordinary faith that it took to journey under such conditions and the unexpected peace that was found in an unlikely place.  This week, we’re going to focus on new life.

New life is a phrase that can mean lots of different things to us depending upon where we are in our own lives.  It can be the very literal experience of having a child.  It can also be an equally momentous occasion of a radical transformation where we find new life through the healing of an old wound.  For example, think of helping someone else through their grief with the power of our own experience or the use of a painful encounters like bullying to help support others.  New life can also be in finding new worth for something that was previously cast away.  An example of this might be the renovating of an old building to usefulness or tapping into an old hobby for new pleasure.  We’ve even used our God given skills to bring new life through organ donation.  And each day we wake up and move forward in hope, we are claiming the promise of new life.

We could make long lists of our experience with new life and we should be able to do this.  Why should we?  Because as our gospel lesson says, “What has come into being in him was life, and the life was the light of all people. The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness did not overcome it.”  See, by our faith and I would suggest by our very God given nature, we are seekers of life.  We find darkness and destruction unpleasant, even unbearable.  But life… now that’s something we really crave.

We crave it and God provides it.  God’s love poured out on us and the glimpses of joy we receive when basking in that love are amazing experiences of life.  Those feelings like our Psalm talks about of being held, understood, loved, known, supported, and special invigorate in us a sense of life and liveliness.  To be fearfully and wonderfully made is to know life while at the same time having a sense of just how fragile and precious it all is.  It’s diving into the wonder and experience no matter what the journey may bring.

So, let’s think back to Jesus’ birth for a moment.  The past few weeks, we’ve talked about the uncertainty of this time and journey for Mary and Joseph.  They moved forward in faith and hope but it was still an anxiety filled and treacherous time.  In the time of the Roman Empire, over 30% of all babies born would die before they were a year old.  Compared to today, far less than 1% of babies die in this country.  I think the number is something like 0.6% infant mortality rate.

I believe the courage to bring a baby into a world where you know that 1/3 of your children will die young is pretty remarkable.  And even if the baby lives, lots of other dangerous things awaited.  The average life expectancy in that time was only 28.  If you were lucky enough to avoid being in the army and you made it to adulthood, you might live to be 52 but that was a very hopeful expectation.  So when ask what new life means in Bethlehem, I think we need to stop and realize that it means far more than what we might see at first glance here in the modern era.

You see, I think we don’t realize that when Angels foretold of this special baby becoming a special man, that was nearly unheard of in that time.  Birthrights, future prospects, and such were not things that were typically discussed until a child neared adulthood because there were too many things that could go wrong.  So when we read of God’s promise to this family that a child would be king, we are reading of something that is not only miraculous from a spiritual standpoint but also a miracle in a very practical way as well. 

But assuming that we can wrap our minds around how amazing this story is, we are still left trying to figure out how to take this remarkable narrative and combine it with our God given desire for new life and do something useful with it.  We know the true meaning of Advent and Christmas isn’t in shopping and gift giving or in decorations or holiday treats.  There’s nothing wrong with those things but it’s not what that precious birth or the Word becoming flesh is all about.  So what is it that ties all this together for us in our daily lives?

Well, in our gospel lessons the previous two weeks, we read Christ’s birth stories.  They tell us of a special child who was coming to be a special leader, Emmanuel… God with us.  This week’s gospel lesson reminds us that Christ lived and lives among us even still as the true light of God in our lives.  As much as we love the birth stories in Matthew and Luke, I have to be honest and say that I find the true meaning of Christmas in this passage from John.

Let’s re-read part of this passage from John chapter 1: It goes,

In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. He was in the beginning with God. All things came into being through him, and without him not one thing came into being. What has come into being in him was life, and the life was the light of all people. The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness did not overcome it.

He was in the world, and the world came into being through him; yet the world did not know him.  But to all who received him, who believed in his name, he gave power to become children of God, who were born, not of blood or of the will of the flesh or of the will of man, but of God.

And the Word became flesh and lived among us, and we have seen his glory, the glory as of a father’s only son, full of grace and truth.

What we’re really talking about here is creation.  God brought all this forth.  And why?  Was it to prove God’s powerfulness?  No.  At its very core, all of God’s actions are born out of love.  This light that brings things into being is a rich and full metaphor for love.  The act of bringing a child into the world is an act of love.  God’s reaching out to Mary and Joseph and all creation to become flesh and live among us is an act of love.  Our craving for life is an act of love.  The shedding the commercial elements of Christmas to get to the real root of God’s gift is an act of love. 

Everywhere we look in this story, our lives, and God’s promises, we see that God is constantly reaching to us in love and the gift we receive in that is new life.  This birth is “not of blood or of the will of the flesh or of the will of man, but of God.”  New life is always about love and hope and promise in God.  And new life is our gift to claim each and every day with the enthusiasm of a child opening the biggest Christmas present under the tree.

See, much like the way Scrooge in A Christmas Carol comes to live with Christmas in his heart every day of the year; we too can do that by embracing the love and new life that God offers us each day.  Love that heals, hope that builds vision, peace that comforts, and faith that guides are ours when we open ourselves to what Christ has for us and God provides to us.  This Word that became flesh, Emmanuel, God with us, is truly full of grace and truth.

But just like Mary and Joseph found it hard to claim God’s promise and new life in the face of so much danger, we too often find it difficult to claim new life in the midst of grief, worry, doubt, financial struggles, and other hardships.  We may not face the same trials as Mary and Joseph but life is still fragile and complicated by adversity.  Yet, our hope always lies in God and the promise of new life that is offered to us just as it was to Mary and Joseph.

Sisters and brothers, Advent, Christmas, and the journey to Bethlehem are times to recognize how remarkable God’s love is and the new life that can be found in Christ.  The opportunity to embrace new life, renewal, and hope are rooted in the gifts God implants within us.  God leads us through all that happens in our lives showing us ways to remember who and who’s we are.  Life in Christ can be new life each and every day, redeemed and renewed.  May we receive the love that God is pouring out and let it breathe new life into this holiday and all days.  Amen.

Peaceful Refuge

Advent 2B – sermon based upon Psalm 34:1-7, 15-22 & Luke 2:1-20

Good morning. As we continue to make our way toward Bethlehem, we are looking more deeply at some of the gifts that Advent brings. In case you missed it last week, each week in worship we are tying in the theme from the Advent devotional in a variety of ways.  The music, liturgy, and even the scriptures have been chosen to walk us through the true gifts of this season.  This past week, we've explored the gift of faith.  On this second week of Advent we're looking at the gift of peace.  And new life and love are the themes we'll connect with in the coming weeks. 

So today, we have a story of what it looks like to  have nearly everything you think could go wrong, go wrong and still it turns into the best Christmas ever... well, I guess it's the first Christmas ever.

All joking aside, it really is one of those stories that we might be tempted to rush to the happy ending and say it all worked out.  But it wasn’t easy to get to that happy ending.  A nine month expectant mother and her fiancé had to take a dangerous trip because the government needed to tax them.  Upon arrival, there wasn’t room for them in the inn nor did they have the money for a nicer place.  We can assume they didn’t have family in the area either.   They were all alone and in a bind.  But they found refuge in a barn and in the end discovered blessings and a peace they could have never imagined.

Most of us are unlikely to have such an experience that is still being told over 2000 years later but it is much like many experiences we have all had.  For example, on the way to what was supposed to be a special dinner out for my grandmother’s 75th birthday, we got a flat tire.  Then, I stained my shirt changing the tire. At this point we’re running late and if you knew my grandmother, you’d know that punctuality is next to Godliness.  By the time we got to the restaurant, we were so late they gave away our reservations.  So, we walk down the road to a greasy spoon diner because it's the only place without a wait and we're tired and hungry and cranky by this point so we go in. 

Once inside, we meet a server who smiles and treats us like family.  She brings us coffee without asking because she can see we're cold.  She tells the soup is no good but the meatloaf is outstanding.  And it turns into an evening of comfort and refuge in an unlikely place.

That is a true story and I can tell you lots of others.  In my work at the hospital, I meet people all the time who think the worst thing that could ever happen to them would be for their child to be sick and in the hospital.  They cry with agony and worry about how they don't think they can handle it.  They wonder where God is and why this is happening.  They feel alone and lost in a strange place.

But if they keep their eyes open and don't succumb to the despair, what they find is people that have their best interest at heart.  They feel hands of care and concern that will hold them in the tough moments.  They experience support that comes in unexpected forms and packages.  And most importantly, they find God working in their lives, even in this unfamiliar and scary place.  I can't tell you how many families when referring to the hospital say to me something like, "This place has been the home we never expected and blessing we didn't know we needed."

Life is like that.  Just when it isn't going the way we wanted, we find that God has prepared a place for us where we least expected it.  And God is like that.  When we toil in the brokenness of the world, God reaches out making a safe harbor in humble and unexpected places. 

So, what do we make of all this?  Why is it that sometimes we find God in the dark places and sometimes we don't?  Is it that God wants to help us some of the time and other times we're on our own?  Is it that God picks and chooses on supporting us?

Well, I don't think it works that way.  From what we learn in this scripture and what I've seen working at the hospital and in my own life, I believe that God is always reaching and supporting us even if we can't always see it.   And more than that, I suspect that we would be far worse off if God weren't constantly reaching toward us to help and support us.  Oh, it’s true that sometimes we succumb to despair or become blinded by bitterness or get lost in the mire of worry so much so that we can no longer see God's work and provision for our lives.  But when we can stay open to God's work, amazing things happen.

Let’s think back on this story for a minute.  If Mary had let the worry of such a long journey overcome her, we wouldn't have such an amazing birth story.  If Joseph had let the frustration about having to travel at such an in convenient time blind him, he might have mouthed off to the inn keeper and not even gotten to use the barn.  If the shepherds had been more concerned with their own matters, they would have missed seeing the young messiah.  Things in this story weren’t going so well for them but they kept journeying forward faithfully.  And because they did, they found God’s love and provision laid out for them.

See, this journey toward Bethlehem is one of unknowns and fears like we talked about last week.  But faith is journeying forward anyway.  Yet, God gives us more than what we need for just a faithful journey.  We can find peace along the way.  We can know safe havens and helpful nurture.  We can experience God's love and work for us that is present and reaching to us even when we can't yet see or receive it.  But when we can, peaceful nights of sleep, calm in the storm, and blessings in the midst of difficulty are there for us to claim.

So how do we tap into God’s support for us when we’re just nearly so overwhelmed that we can’t take another step?  How do we keep from letting frustration about our circumstances and disappointments get the better of how we deal with it so we can be open to the peaceful refuge God has offered?  And what does that refuge even look like?

Well, just like in our biblical story and the stories I told, it requires openness on our part to believe in and see God’s blessing in the tough times.  I’m not saying that we have to just be optimistic.  Being optimistic is not always realistic.  For example, we can’t use positive thinking to take care of mortgage difficulty or brokenness in our relationships.  Optimism alone in such situations would leave us homeless and alone. 

Instead, openness to the goodness around us is more like faith than optimism.  It’s listening to that inner voice to pick up the phone and call a friend for help rather than toughing it out alone.  It’s allowing ourselves to see something differently so that we recognize the blessing instead of seeing just another obstacle.  It’s knowing that we are really not alone and that if we hold fast to what is truly important, we will find safe harbor even if it doesn’t look like what we expected. 

Sisters and brothers, the journey to Bethlehem was a tough one but God provided from them in ways they didn’t know and couldn’t expect.  Still today, God is working in our lives to help us along the way.  As we journey in faith, may we always be open to the peace and refuge that God offers regardless of what it looks like.  May we support one another to ease the burdens.  And may we truly experience God’s provision for us when we need it most.  Amen.

Onward In Faith

Advent 1B - Sermon based upon Psalm 42 & Matthew 1:18-2:12

Good morning and welcome to Advent.  This is a season of expectancy and preparation. A season of joy, hope, and promise.  And given the themes of our advent devotional and sermon series, it is also a season of faith, peace, new life, and love.

You’re going to notice a pattern in the coming weeks that lead us all the way through Christmas.  Each week’s theme that goes with the devotional is going to be lifted up in worship in multiple ways.  The devotional theme is The True Gifts of Christmas: The Journey to Bethlehem. The music, prayers, liturgy, and even scriptures will go along with the weekly theme.  Each week we'll have a Psalm that captures the emotional experience of the theme and a Gospel passage that tells the story.

But for now, we’re here on the first week of Advent.  We enter with the theme of faith and the story told in Matthew about Jesus's conception and birth.  If ever there was a story of faith in God, this is it.

Here we have a young unmarried woman who finds out she's going to have a very special baby.  The scripture tells us that her fience doesn't want to disgrace her but he's still going to “quietly dismiss her.”  After transformative encounters, they both believe in God’s will for this child move forward to have the baby. 

From the Luke story of Jesus’ birth we also know that they had to make a journey to Bethlehem for census and taxation.  That must have been horrible.  Can you imagine setting out on a donkey, a man and a 9 month pregnant woman, in a time when life was so much more treacherous than it is now?

And even after Jesus is born, King Herod sends spies so that he can plot against the young Messiah, Emmanuel, God with us.  But they too had a transformative experience rooted in joy and did the right thing to protect this child.

And our Psalm this morning is also a true story of faith.  It is about the fear and anxiety we experience when we can’t quite feel God’s closeness to us.  We want to lash out as the Psalmist does with “Why have you forgotten me?  Why must I walk about mournfully because the enemy oppresses me?”  But just as with Mary and Joseph, the Psalmist remembers “hope in God.”
These are some pretty powerful scriptures if we pause to let them capture our feelings and imagination.  So, what do they have to tell us on this first Sunday of Advent?

Well, I think one of the messages is that just because we’re journeying faithfully doesn’t mean that it’s smooth sailing.  It’s often an anxiety and fear filled path.  Even Joseph was going to leave Mary because he couldn’t understand how God’s plan for Mary included him and I imagine he felt a lot of social pressure as well.

How often are our lives like that?  Maybe it’s that we know what the right thing is to do but we feel the pressure and embarrassment of what others are saying around us.  Or sometimes it’s that we are not sure how we fit into God’s plan.  Or sometimes it’s more a feeling like the Psalmist had of wondering where God is in all this and how to remain faithful while it feels so dark.  When faced with loss, uncertainty, and other things that raise our fear level, our lives, just like Mary and Joseph’s are filled with moments that make our faithful walk forward feel more like a burdensome trudge. 

Whether it’s the journey of the PNC in search of a pastor or the daily work it takes to make relationships last, we are ALL journeying… and sometimes it’s a tough one.  But here’s where the story turns. 

God reassures Joseph of his part in all this.  Then God protects Jesus from Herod.  God even touches the wise men and they go on a different path.  Hope and joy healed them from their worries, doubt, and uncertainty.  In the case of the wise men, quite literally, the story tells us that they were overwhelmed by joy. 

I think this is the real heart of our scripture lesson for today.  We worry and struggle in uncertainty quite often. And it becomes a cycle that just gets worse if left to our own devices.  The more we worry, the more we drag ourselves down.  The more we drag ourselves down, the more we fret about digging back out of the hole of fear, grief, and depression.  The more we fret about those things, the more ashamed we feel.  And the more ashamed we feel… well, that’s just a terrible spiral downward. 

But God’s support and love for us is never wrapped up in fear or shame or overly burdensome toil.  God reaches out to us with hope and joy offering us help to put one foot in front of the other and continue our faithful journey.  That support comes in all kinds of forms.  In the case of Joseph, it came in the form of messenger from God and I imagine it also came in the form of support from people around him and most especially from Mary.  For the wise men, they found support from God to do the right thing through an intense sense of joy at the witness of a phenomenon in nature right before meeting Jesus.  And while most of us don’t have an experience of meeting and angel, I know that all of us have met messengers from God or had experiences that coincided with special event that invigorated our faith. 

See, this is what faith is about, whether it’s during the season of Advent or any other time.  We are on a journey and each and every day is another opportunity to keep moving forward toward the hope and promise of God while being open to the nurturing support God gives us.

Now, I’m not trying to make this sound easy.  I’ll give you a deeply personal example.  All my life, even as a little child, I’ve struggled with depression.  It seems to be genetic because most of my family struggles with it.  Depression has gripped me in ways that I’ve often felt forgotten by God.  The way depression chokes off the light is painful.  And after feeling the emptiness and darkness months on end, I’ve even thought that it wasn’t that God had forgotten me.  I’ve felt that God must be punishing or cursing me.  Now logically, I know that isn’t the case.  But depression is an illness that tells us lies about ourselves, others, and God.

Having struggled with this illness for most of my 37 years, I can tell you quite a few things about finding God in the darkness and what faith looks like when you barely have the energy to get out of bed.  But I can also tell you that faith cannot be stifled or destroyed by darkness, fear, worry, doubt, and uncertainty. 

Just like Mary and Joseph, I have found God’s support every step of the way.  Just when I thought I couldn’t bear the isolation any longer, God has sent messengers that reminded me who and who’s I am.  God has placed people in my life to help me when I couldn’t help myself.  When I needed a jolt to point me in the right direction, God has shown me great joy through phenomenon in nature.  God has called me forward in love all along the way. 

God’s nurturing love and my faith in that love have helped me journey forward every step of the way.  In fact, you’ve even been part of God’s work in my life.  As you know, I’m a chaplain and I work night shift at Children’s Memorial Hospital.  Working night shift is more than a choice.  It’s a metaphor for my experience with God.  Because I’ve had to work so hard to find God in the long nights of depression, I want to be part of God’s light to others in the night.  I never thought I’d work in a church because I thought my place was in the darkness.

But being here with you has shown me that God calls me into the light as well.  The way you’ve encouraged me and the relationships I’ve built here have shown me new paths in my own faith journey.  My faithful journey is not only that of holding people in the night but also that of proclaiming God’s radiance in the light and you’ve been the ones who’ve helped cultivate that in me and show me God’s way for which I’ll always be grateful.

Now I didn’t tell you all that to spew out my own story.  I told you about my journey because I believe it speaks to the struggles we’ve all had.  Advent, holidays, faith, journeys, family, church… all of these things are precious but they also stir in us anxiety and fear about the unknown.  But God is with us, each and every one of us.  God is speaking and leading and calling us every step of the way.

Sisters and brothers, as we move forward in Advent, may we have faith that God is alive and well in all areas of our lives.  Even when it feels scary or burdensome, God is with us, offering us support wrapped in love rather than fear.  Our job is to keep putting one foot in front of the other on this journey taking the next step in faith and being open to all the ways God is supporting us.  Emmanuel, God with us… We welcome you!  Amen

Reformed & Always Reforming

Ordinary 31A – sermon based upon Micah 3:5-12 and Matthew 23:1-12

Good morning.  It is good to be with you today.  I’ve been thinking about you a lot lately.  It’s hard not to. You’ve become so dear to me that you stay close to my heart.  And I note that for two reasons.  One: I believe we should all know when we’ve been valued and loved and I love and value you.  And Two: It relates to the ultimate point of today’s sermon.  That if we are living the love of God, then meaningful relationships, God inspired changes, and love-filled growth become a way of life.

Now you may be asking how I got that conclusion from two biblical passages about leaders who abuse their power.  Well, let’s start down the trail and I promise that’s where we end.
See, today is Reformation Sunday and that’s a kind of interesting day in the church because we get to remember the past, honor change, and look to see how we’re doing today.  A quick history lesson is that around the 16th and 17th centuries the church leadership, at the time primarily Roman Catholic, had become overrun with leaders who were everything that today’s scripture in Micah and Mathew say not to be. 

They waged war against the most oppressed.  They took bribes and acted with great injustice with their power, land, and money.  They told people to follow God’s law but did as they pleased.  They put heavy burdens and cast harsh judgment upon people, displaying no concept of mercy and compassion.  They did religious activities for the purpose of being seen and honored personally.  To say that many in religious power were corrupt would be an understatement.

For example, the church would rent out its farm land at unfair prices, control what could be grown, and take more than a fair share while leaving the families that worked the farm starving.  And what’s worse, some priests would then tell families that their loved ones were spiritually condemned to hell for not giving even more to the church.  For sure the church has always had people who abused power but this was just a horrible time in the history of religion! 

So, an uprising of faithful people began and they started in separate places and pockets of just a few.  But as the movement grew and communities caught wind of the change the Spirit was blowing in and around Europe, this movement grew into what we call the Protestant Reformation.

The Protestant Reformation brought with it some key changes and some key ideas.  Part of is was a call to return to what today’s scripture says about not being in leadership roles over and above one another.  We are to be in servant roles with each other. I mean that when the bible says don’t be called a Rabbi it doesn’t mean that we are not to have specialized callings.  But it does for sure mean that no calling stands over another.  Those religious leaders that had taken advantage of others would have and could have never done that if they started from a place of knowing that they are but mere servants in the broader, more beautiful body of Christ.

Another idea of the reformation was to recognize that God’s work is alive and well and still being revealed to us.  Just as Micah proclaims that he has power and Spirit and justice and might because he possessed a living faith, we too are called to live with the movement and reflect the ongoing revelation of God in the world.

John Calvin believed that the we must have the presence of the Holy Spirit in order to approach the biblical Word of God because it is with the help of the Spirit that the Word becomes alive in our hearts and lives.  He also reminds us that Jesus Christ is the Word of God and that we live and move and thrive in this ever morphing body… full of truth in this moment and always revealing more.

From Luther and Calvin and others, some important pieces of doctrine immerged that reflected this call back to a more genuine faith.  If it is that we are servants together and that God is working in and amongst us then we must be both redeemed and still being further redeemed, meaning that God’s work is both sufficient in us and that we are called to be more.

Similarly, the near mantra of the Reformation emerged.  In Latin it was said, “Ecclesia semper reformanda est” (Latin for "the church must always be reforming") or semper reformanda, "always reforming.”  It’s not enough that we as individual people of faith grow and change.  The church, both as an institution and as a body of believers, must grow and change.  Complacency and denial of the Spirit’s guiding presence is what had brought the church to the problems it was having at the time.

So here was this uprising and it was at times violent, at times spirit filled debate, and at times exciting renewal.  It was not just about ideas and doctrine.  It was about the lived life of faith.  And while we know that the Protestant Church rose out of this movement, we should also recognize that several other meaningful changes happened in other groups of Christians as well.  The Catholic church did get the message and made some changes.  The Anabaptists, Anglicans, Puritans, and others rose out of the movement.  What could defiantly be said is that this was a time where people were in tune with the call of the Holy Spirit to not be complacent and to be open to where God led them.

So when I look back at that time, I find myself asking what was really going on in people’s lives.  What did the average day in a Christian’s life look like?  And this is where I come to the conclusion that I shared with you earlier. 

See, everyday people were building churches… not necessarily grand cathedrals but just modest churches.  They were connecting with people they would have never come in contact with before.  The walls between pastor and congregation were redefined with servant leadership in mind.  People were reading the bible in their own language for the first time in their lives.  It was amazing!

What were my words earlier?  I said that if we are living the love of God, then meaningful relationships, God inspired changes, and love-filled growth become a way of life.  And that’s what that time looked like in the everyday lives of people.  And it’s’ also the history of the reformation and of the Presbyterian Church.  When we think we’ve got it all figured out, the Holy Spirit comes and reminds us that we are called to deeper relationships, other forms of faithful witness, and growth that reflects that love of God.  We are reformed and always reforming.  Both sanctified through God’s grace and always becoming more in the life of God’s ongoing revelation.

Do you like history?  I do.  And I’m especially fond of that history.  It’s the story of us.  And I don’t just mean this church.  I mean it’s the story of our lives.  If we are complacent and don’t listen to the leading of the Holy Spirit we fall into corrupt decay. 

Look at the global economic crisis of today.  How did that happen?  Well, it was too many political and financial leaders were abusing their power and acting unjustly.  Meanwhile, everyday folks extended unearned trust and didn’t question what was going on.  And just like Micah said, it laid to waste our land… or economy in this case.

But this isn’t just paralleled in global issues.  The Reformation is also mirrored in our private lives.  Sometimes we think we are content with our lives.  We don’t want to change.  Yes, there are some things going on like an old hurt or perhaps a relationship that is causing pain but we’d rather ignore it than do something about it.  And over time, it erodes and damages our self and ability to love even more.

You see, the Christian life is one that demands that we honor the holiness of God’s gifts in the present but also live in openness to the Spirit and where it is leading.  Reformed and always reforming.  The global economic crisis would have never happened if people had been living, as I suggested before, the love of God whereby meaningful relationships, God inspired changes, and love-filled growth become a way of life.  And the decay and crumble of our lives would not happen either if we were living this way.

Now, a word of caution… this is a “we” thing.  I’m not saying that if someone has struggles that it is their fault for not being faithful enough.  Just as Micah and Matthew both reinforced, we are in community, bound together.  My struggles represent my difficulties but my struggles equally represent the failure on the part of others to respond and support me in healing relationships.

For example, the person mired in grief or bound by a history of abuse defiantly has a responsibility to reach toward and receive the love and healing of God.  But we each also have a responsibility to reach back to them and do the same whereby meaningful relationships, God inspired changes, and love-filled growth are reflected in our way of life. 

And this is where we find ourselves today.  Economically, we are in a very anxiety and fear filled time.  The church, both locally and universally, is also having painful struggles that represent the push and pull between being reformed and continuing our work of reforming.  Our lives are places where injustice, pain, complacency, and fear gain too much power over us and abuse us.  It would be easy to feel like this is a pretty dark place.

But there is another motto of the Reformation that applies here.  In Latin it is “Post Tenebras Lux” which translated is “After darkness, light.”  At the dawn of the Reformation, people were nearly hopeless.  They were being crushed by the decay.  But light does come and God is always near.  History would tell us this was the end of the dark ages and beginning of the Reformation.  But we know it was simply being open to the Holy Spirit once again, just like Micah and Matthew call us to today.

Sisters and brothers, our calling is to embrace the love of God and the Holy in the present… to be reformed.  Our calling is also to let that love hold and open us to the Spirit who guides us into ever more meaningful relationships, God inspired changes, and love-filled growth that becomes a way of life… to be always reforming.  We need not fear this path because we are God’s and we are One in the Body of Christ.  Amen.

Where Are We Going?

Ordinary 25A - Where Are We Going? - (off lectionary sermon series on the body of Christ based upon Isaiah 43:18-21 & Matthew 9:9-17)

Good morning.  It’s great to be with you today as we wrap up the 3^rd in this sermon series about being the body of Christ alive in the world.  If you missed the others, you can pick up printed copies just outside the back door or listen to them online.  You could also just use your imagination from the recaps I’m about to offer.  See, 2 weeks ago, we talked about Christ being the only true authority in the church.  The rest of us are faithfully trying to live out Christ’s calling but do not stand over or under one another. We are faithful together.  Last week we tried to zero in on the diversity of calls within the church and uplift all forms of service as holy.  We are all called to be ministers in different ways.  So whether it’s inside or outside the church doors, but most especially outside the doors, using our gifts and the fruits of the spirit honors God and builds up the body of Christ. This week, we’re going to look at where our lives in the body of Christ might lead us when we’re open to where God is taking us and we’re doing so by examining scripture from Isaiah 43.

The Isaiah passage shows God as both guide and comforter.  In this monologue, God is telling the people of Israel that they need to let go of old ways so that they can be open to what God is doing.  They need to trust that God is not going to burden them with things they can’t do right now.  Rather, the call of the Holy is to lay our burdens and sins to rest with God so that they may be healed.

All this relates to being the body of Christ alive in the world because we need to figure out what God is calling us to in our lives and we need this for two main reasons.  The first is that to see where God is doing something new like Isaiah says, we need to let go of and grieve those things, places, times, and people.  The second reason is so we can open ourselves up to being instruments of that unfolding… and unfolding of something God wants for us and others that maybe we’ve never even imagined before.

Let’s reread parts of this Isaiah passage. 

¹⁸Do not remember the former things, or consider the things of old.¹⁹I am about to do a new thing; now it springs forth, do you not perceive it? I will make a way in the wilderness and rivers in the desert.²⁰The wild animals will honor me, the jackals and the ostriches; for I give water in the wilderness, rivers in the desert, to give drink to my chosen people,²¹the people whom I formed for myself so that they might declare my praise. ²²Yet you did not call upon me… ²³You have not brought me your sheep for burnt offerings, or honored me with your sacrifices. I have not burdened you with offerings, or wearied you… But you have burdened me with your sins; you have wearied me with your iniquities.²⁵I, I am He who blots out your transgressions for my own sake, and I will not remember your sins.

Now first, let’s tease through some of the language here and get some stumbling blocks out of the way.  When God says, “¹⁸Do not remember the former things, or consider the things of old” this does not mean that we should not have memories.  The Hebrew word we translate as “remember” is a much deeper word than that.  This word implies intimacy and deep connection.  When God says, “Do not remember” our understanding should be do not be bound to or let our minds be so deeply attached. 

The second translation issue we need to understand more deeply is the idea of God being burdened or wearied.  Does this passage does not mean that when we heap upon God our concerns that God is crumbling under the weight of it.  The linguistic piece that is lost here is that of transference.  We are burdened by sin and wearied by iniquities.  We transfer that to God and God blots out sin and does not “remember” our sins.  There’s that word remember again.

So what is it that we need to not be bound to so tightly so that we can be open to where God is going?  Well, we really could spend days unearthing all kinds of things that we each need to be let go so that we can be part of God’s always unfolding reality.  But for time’s sake and for from what might be very pertinent to this grouping of the body of Christ, let’s get very specific here for a few minutes.  Then if we do this well, the model can be used for dealing with other areas of our lives.

What if God stepped right here and said to us, “Do not remember the former things, or consider the things of old. I am about to do a new thing; now it springs forth, do you not perceive it? I will make a way.”  What do you think God might be talking about?  Well, a few things come to mind but the search for a new pastor seems to loom large.  And I believe God truly is saying to this grouping of the body of Christ that very thing.  God is saying, “grieve what you need and open up for something new.” 

Now before you think I’m just pulling a scripture passage and making it say what I want it to say, first of all I want you to hear that I’ve been hearing this message for a long time from God about this body.  I’ve even been addressing it in worship at different times.  But more importantly, you can judge for yourself.  Is that what God is saying?

Let’s look at the evidence.  This congregation has gone through some tough ups and downs and turns.  Even in good times, transition is hard and this church has stayed in transition for a long time.  But when you look around at each other, the quality of the faith and the earnestness of the love for one another is extraordinary. 

I recently told someone that by all accounts, most churches that have gone through all this church has gone through would have closed their doors.  Yet, this one is thriving.  It may have lost some members and it’s had it’s financial concerns but from what I can tell, the faith here is outstanding.  So, if you just look on the surface at the faces and numbers, the church is definitely different from 10 or 20 years ago.  But when you look into the hearts, the body of Christ is most definitely alive and well here. 

And, how did all this happen?  All I can surmise is that God has been here every step of the way making a way.  And I think the very best thing we can do is figure out how to be open to that.

So, did I convince you I’m not just making this up?  I hope so.  Because here comes the hard part… actually letting go of the things, places, times, and people of the past in a way that still honors the meaning they still hold but not being bound to them as if they rule where God is going. 

So often we long for the way things were or at least the idea.  It seems simpler and more comfortable.  And sometimes it really was a simpler and more comfortable time though often that’s a trick our mind plays.  But regardless, we are called to live as God’s people in a living, moving, every changing, body of Christ so we can’t go back in time no matter how badly we might like to and we can’t recreate the past because God has already taught us those lessons so it’s time for something else.

See, just like the Pharisees and the followers of John the Baptist in today’s gospel message, we are often our own stumbling blocks.  Many times it is the existing people of faith who struggle most by holding fast to our own notions, pride, memories, wounds, and other things that keep us from seeing where God is leading us today.

When we think of this church being without a pastor or calling a new pastor, what notions about old pastors gone by or old times in the church do we need to honor and let go of?  Where do we need to honor the things we’ve learned or the people we’ve encountered so that we can cherish what is good and move forward?  What are the old wounds, doubts, grudges, and struggles that we need to place in God’s hands so that God can heal and transform them into some new thing?  I trust that God has already placed something on your hearts even now.

So, what does grieving the things gone by like?  How do we do this?  Letting go and grief is a process but, let’s keep it simple.  Earlier, you were given slips of paper to write on.  In a moment we’re going to pray to hear what God wants each of us to cherish yet move forward from when we think about this church’s past.  We’re also going to pray for God’s support to grieve and mourn the things of the past that we feel bound to or that still have a hold on us. 

Next we’re each going to write just 1 thing on this paper that God said to us.  Later, when the offering plates go around, please place it in the plate.  I’m going to collect them and burn them.  On October 2^nd, in 2 weeks, you can join me as I take the ashes and till in the old memories into the flower bed outside where the things we let go of will always be a part of the beauty of this church but don’t have to bind up where it is going.

Sisters and brothers, being the body of Christ alive is about being here and now and participating in what unfolds.  When we unburden ourselves from wounds, sin, and the past by turning to God, we become fertile ground for God’s plans.  Pray with me now that we may be a full participant in that plan.

Holy God, thank you for the way you have guided us.  Please help us cherish the meaning of the past and honor what you’ve taught us.  Also, speak to us what we need to let go of so that we can be a part of your plans as this church calls a new pastor.  God we trust in you and your work.  Relieve our fear and anxiety during this time without concrete answers and help us to stay focused on faithful living today.  Amen.

What happens next?  Does this mean that God is going to turn everything upside down?  Well, it could happen.  But more likely we’re going to feel the anxiety of the emptiness from trying to let things go.  Yet, we have each other to see it through.  And where there is emptiness, God offers us hope: hope that God’s workings in and around us are healing, hope that life in the body of Christ is faithful, hope that with God’s help we can grow in deeper love of creation, and hope that First Presbyterian Church is on the edge of something even more remarkable and beautiful than it is right now. 

Now I invite you to write on the paper what God has told you and give it to God in the offering plate.  And trust that God will take it and heal or transform it into something even more extraordinary.  Amen.

A Brief Encounter

Ordinary 22A – A sermon based upon Exodus 3:1-15

Good morning.  It is a true blessing to be back with you and I’ll be here for the next few weeks.  I’ve missed you but you’ve remained in my prayers.  And you’re never far from my heart, either.

Well, today’s scripture from Exodus is another one of those treasure troves of God’s wisdom.  I have chewed on it all week and kept hearing more revelation from God even though I knew I needed to narrow the focus.  So who knows, maybe I’ll preach this text again in a few weeks with a different focus.  But for now, we’ve got enough to chew on.

It’s that amazing story of Moses and the burning bush.  Moses was on his way to work and worried that he would be late but he turned to see what was happening up the hillside.  What was this fire that burned but did not consume the bush?  It turns out it was a message from God and a calling to do something remarkable.  God had heard the cry of the Israelites and wanted Moses to help in the work of spreading God’s liberation and justice.  Moses insisted that he would be too afraid to do this task.  He protested and told of reasons he could not do it but God’s call was still the same.   He wanted to know how this could be done.  And you know what?  God was not explicit on how this would happen even when asked.  God never offered a detailed roadmap of how to overthrow an empire.  But God’s promise to be with Moses through it all was loud and clear.

It’s a great story isn’t it?  It has all these amazing ways of thinking about it.  For example, we could ask what can we learn about God through this story.  What about what we can learn about Moses or human nature?  We could even ask about what we can learn about the life of people 3500 years ago.  But for this day, I think we might be well served by asking what we can learn about our lives today through this story.

What is it that we need to know so that we to can experience a life changing moment with God?  For Moses, this was just a brief encounter but it definitely changed the whole direction of his life.  So what are a few of the take-a-ways for our lives?

Well, for today, we’re going to focus in on three… how very three point sermon of me.  First, there are all kinds of burning bushes.  Second, we just might be missing some burning bushes around us already.  And third, following God’s call on our lives is not about having all the answers or always being fearless.

First, are there all kinds of burning bushes?  I know we read the stories of the bible and often wonder why doesn’t God light up a bush and talk to us sometime?  It would be much easier to have faith if God just spoke more loudly and clearly.  But even though we might like a burning bush or at least a nice email from God, God has already filled our lives with life changing messages that came in all kinds of forms.

For those of you who have felt the call to be involved in some sort of ministry or cause, how did you know that was the right thing to do?  Or when you were looking for a church home, how did you know this was the one?  And when you were struggling to find meaning, direction, or vocation, what led you down the path the fulfillment? 

See, I doubt it was a burning bush.  The answers to any one of those questions are going to be so varied among us.  It could have been a series of seemingly unrelated events that collided that made you see a certain direction… providence, if you will.  It might have been a still small voice that kept whispering the same thing to you over and over.  Perhaps it was a large event that happened long ago that changed you in a way that has altered your decision making ever since.  Regardless of what it looked like, if it was the right decision, it was God. 

God speaks to us in all kinds of ways.  God used Moses to speak to the Israelites and encourage them to believe that they would not always have to suffer.  God used passersby to tend to the wounds of an injured person.  God speaks through moments and whispers and people and God speaks to us in this time and place. 

It may not be a burning bush but unlocked, this bible has set lives on fire.  Social time between services may consume more donuts than a non-consuming flame but lives are transformed and the face of God is seen.  Vacation bible school, reaching out to one another as neighbors, community events, meals with loved ones, and ALL the countless ways we “hear” and “are” God’s voice in the world… oh yes, there are all kinds of burning bushes in our lives that set us on a path and guide us all the way.


Second, are there already burning bushes around us that we may have missed?  Well, let’s see.  There is a tale told by rabbis about why the bush was burning but not consumed.  I mean, for the purposes of delivering a message, does it really matter if the bush is left in ashes or not?  Well, as the story goes, the rabbis argued about this until one of them said, “The bush was burning but not consumed so that one day when Moses passed by he would finally notice it!”

If we re-read this passage, stopping to think that Moses might have missed it before, suddenly some of the language makes sense.  God put out this sign waiting for Moses to turn away from what he was doing long enough to notice it.  So, this bush needed to not be burned up by the flame.  It needed to last.

Now, whether or not the bush had been burning for years or just that afternoon doesn’t really matter. The point is that God did not put it right in front of Moses but rather it was off to the side and took some intentionality on Moses’ part to go to it.  The scripture says he had to turn aside from what he was doing to go over to the bush.

So, coming back to the idea that there are already burning bushes in our midst, how often are our lives like this? (walk past communion table in a hurry) Or this? (walk past communion table reading) Or this? (walk past communion table meandering) Or this? (walk past communion table on phone) Or this? (walk past communion table with a hurt back) Or this? (walk past communion table laughing) (Turn and finally notice the communion table)

The joys, the tears, and everything in between are always going on in our lives.  How often do we walk past the same thing and then finally one day see it?  I venture to guess, quite a bit.  And God knows that too.  Sometimes we probably do miss out on a message.  But for the big stuff, God keeps a bush lit for us.  That bush may have to be moved from place to place or time to time to keep up with us but it stays lit.

What do I mean by this?  Well, what would happen if we all took a bit to talk about the direction of this church?  I bet that conversation would end with some pretty amazing ideas about invigorating existing relationships or maybe starting new ministries.  It’s not that these are new ideas.  It’s just that we didn’t stop to notice them before now.

It only takes pausing for a bit and being willing to see something new or different to realize that God has set fire to a bush near each of us.  Maybe the message we’ve been missing is that of embracing something we weren’t sure we could handle.  It could be a message to forgive someone.  It might even be a calling to do something entirely different in our lives.  But the point is that when we are intentional to pause, look, and change course even a little, we always find a place God is speaking to us that we didn’t recognize before. 


So, to the final point, following God’s call on our lives is not about having all the answers or always being fearless.  If we know anything about Moses’ story, we know that he was plagued by repeated doubts, fears, and was nearly always asking God to “Prove it.”  And repeatedly God addressed the doubts, fears, and pleas to prove it with the reply “I will be with you.”

God’s greatest gift to Moses and to us is that we are never alone.  We are going to have fears and we are most definitely going to have doubts.  We are even going to be dissatisfied with the unclear plan we have in front of us and ask God to show us more of the road map.  But God’s constant answer is “I am with you.”  And then in due time, more is revealed.

So what does that mean in practical terms for us?  We need to keep our focus on what God has called us to do today and not let our anxiety and fear about the how all this is going to work out distract us.  And how does that happen?  We keep living as the body of Christ, watching and responding to burning bushes as they appear. 

Consider what the Pastor Nominating Committee does.  They join together seeking the voice of God each week.  Now I am positive they might prefer an obvious burning bush but the fact of the matter is that their ongoing relationship with one another makes them more and more aware of God’s presence and work in this place.  Their work is hard and produces a lot of fear and anxiety. I bet every one of them worry “what if we get it wrong?”  Have they missed a few burning bushes?  In this case, I doubt it.  But I am absolutely sure that God is with them.  They need only keep on the path before them until a new burning bush illuminates God’s way.  And we need to support them by offering encouragement and reminding them that God’s guidance will be present in this church, no matter what.

But the practical part of knowing God is with us even though we fear doesn’t end there.  When John Karins died last month, the presence of God was felt by his family because this congregation responded with love and support.  When the church needs juice boxes for vacation bible school, we bring them in.  When a hurricane strikes the east coast, we donate to the Red Cross.  When there is a new birth in our midst, we celebrate with one another. 

All of these things we do as the body of Christ, Emmanuel… God with us, are a constant reminder that we are not alone.  Our fears will find comfort in God and one another.  The path we should take will be made known if we hold together as a body.  Even the future of this church, it’s members, and it’s leadership are secure in the workings of God.  Our job is to keep moving forward as a body and being ever watchful for that next burning bush.  Amen.

Seeking Beyond Our Grasp

Seeking Beyond Our Grasp - A sermon based upon Acts 17:22-31

Good morning. It is a pleasure to be with you today and share in worship in a different way since I'm usually facing the other direction... And might I say it's quite a different view from this side instead of my rear corner view.

Briefly, for those of you who don't know me, my name is Lavender and I'm a member of St Pauls and being nurtured in the care process of ordination. I'm also a full time chaplain at Children’s Memorial, where I've been for several years now. My seminary training was at Louisville Presbyterian and I graduated 5 years ago this week. And if you can’t tell, in my spare time, I do charity events like the one where I shaved my head 3 weeks ago to raise money for cancer research.

Well, enough about me… How about this scripture? I should say that this passage fascinates me. I mean, here we have Paul walking about Athens, one of the most diverse places in history. And this is a guy who is all about strict adherence to the law so all the idols and shrines throughout the city were truly disturbing to him. But rather than start shaming people and beating them over the head for what he would have judged as sinful, he does something quite different.

Paul says, “I see how very religious you are in every way...” He goes on to honor them for their attempts to seek and understand God even though he believes they have gotten some of it wrong. Next, he connects to a particular shrine the Athenians have built “to an unknown god” and claims that this is the God and creator of all. Then he says that this God actually created us in such a way that we would be compelled to seek the One that breathed life into all creation. Finally, Paul calls for the Athenians to make sure their beliefs are of the Holy when he proclaims that there will come a day that this God of all will judge all.

So, what do we make of this? Well, I think it's safe to say that this passage has much to say to us today. We too live in a culture full of idols and a sense of groping for God. We too need help sorting through what is our idol worship and failed seeking. And we too need to be honored for our attempts rather than shamed and made to feel guilty for being limited.

So, how do we unravel this message? Well, first of all it I think the issue of Paul’s approach is particularly important. He knew that if he were to stand up and condemn the Athenians for what he judged as idolatrous, they would become defensive and shut him out. He knew that it is never through shaming and quilting that genuine change is made. Shame and guilt may coerce behavior but they are not foundations for beliefs. So Paul starts talking to them by honoring their attempts at seeking God and their deep passion around religiosity. He wants them to know that their attempts are worthy and that God has even had grace on our groping and reaching for the Holy even when we come up short.

To me, this is an amazing insight. I mean Think about our own lives… If Paul were to walk into our church, down our streets, and into our homes, what kinds of idols would he see? I dare say that he would see many that span our attempts at seeking something greater than ourselves. Our cars, job titles, the famous people we’ve placed on pedestals, the monuments to ideals that are not quite holy… they are everywhere in our lives. We might be tempted to dismiss many of those idols as ones that represent greed or selfishness. But should we dismiss how they came to be idols? Maybe we should look at what we saw in them that made us lift them up in the first place.

I’m going to go out on a limb here and suggest that even though our idols reveal much about our failings and brokenness, they also reveal much about our attempts to fill a God sized void in our lives. If it is that the accumulation of wealth or monuments to immortality are all some of us can claim, then it’s because the appetite for God is so great rather than so small. So, starting from Paul’s model for addressing idolatry in our culture, we would do well when looking at our own lives and the lives of others to start with some grace. We should honor that the emptiness in us is that of a deep yearning for God. Even when we’ve claimed false idols, it was because we wanted so badly to see something greater than us… something bigger and timeless. Guilt and shame won’t reveal God’s true presence but grace and honor sure will.

The second thing I think this passage has for us today is tied up in that yearning and search for God that all too often results in the creation of idols rather than the worship of the holy. Paul tells us “The God who made the world and everything in it, he who is Lord of heaven and earth, does not live in shrines made by human hands… From one ancestor he made all nations to inhabit the whole earth, and he allotted the times of their existence and the boundaries of the places where they would live, so that they would search for God and perhaps grope for him and find him—though indeed he is not far from each one of us.”

This is a powerful message to us. The whole reason we need to be grace filled and honor even our failed attempts to search for God is because it is actually God who implanted in us that desire. This passage says we were made in such a way that our whole experience would be marked by the search for God… and that sometimes we would even catch a glimpse or two.

And the way Paul frames this whole thing by connecting them to one of their very own shrines is pretty amazing too. He refers to the shrine “to an unknown god” and tells them that God doesn’t live in things built by our hands because the God that breathed life into all creation is just beyond our grasp and yet never far away.

So if we are made to yearn for and seek God but struggle to do so because it’s somehow beyond our abilities, what does this mean for our lives? Well, it may serve as some good guidance for us in our search. A marker of an idol rather than the Holy might be to realize that our glimpses and experiences of God can never be fully captured and pinned down. If we are somehow trying to recreate an encounter of God or claim a particular path to experiencing God, then we are probably missing the fullness of God.

Also, if God is both beyond yet near, another lesson for our daily lives might be that if someone else has experienced the Holy in a different way, we might do well to seek understanding rather than judgment. With God so full of mystery, there’s likely a whole lot that we just don’t understand but someone else just might. So another marker of our seeking should be humility.

This brings me to a closing point I think this passage is telling us today. Somewhat wrapped up in the first point, Paul proclaims that there will come a day that God will judge us for our searching and what it has yielded in our lives. Now given the recent botched prediction of some sort of rapture or second coming, I think it’s safe to say that we need not concern ourselves with what this judgment will look like or when it will be but rather we should hear the call to be vigilant and continue our journey of seeking here and now.

It is not our job to judge but God’s. Our job is to seek, to journey, to join together in creation, to respect that deep calling of God, and to honor the glimpses of the Holy that we do encounter. Our job is to uphold that desire in one another that is yearning and seeking for something more. We should do this in such a way that even when we get it wrong, we can take that experience and journey with greater clarity rather than being mired in shame and guilt.

Sisters and brothers, today’s scripture passage calls us to be grace-filled with one another when we see the fruits of our yearnings for God rather than shaming of our failings. It calls us to know that God is both beyond our ability to pin down and yet oh so very close. In the midst of that presence, we are invited to be humble in our experience and honor our paths and the paths of others. And we are called to be ever vigilant to weed out idols and false beliefs that would take up the place of God in our lives.

As we leave here today, our calling is to identify those ways we fill our lives with idols, look at what led us to believe in them, and use that yearning to find what is truly Holy. Our calling is also to help others in their attempts to seek and catch glimpses of God. And you know what, I suspect that if we are truly engaged in that work and those relationships, we’ll see God more than we have in a long time. Amen.

Peace for What?

Peace for What? <–- audio file of sermon. A sermon based upon John 20:19-31

Good morning. First off, let me go ahead and acknowledge that you might have noticed something different about me today. Is it new glasses? No. Perhaps a new outfit? No. The answer is I shaved my head 2 days ago at a charity event raising money for and awareness of childhood cancers. Some of you know that I do this every year and it’s always a wonderful event. Actually, the child we honored at the event was in the hospital and unable to attend. But like I said, it was still a wonderful occasion and such a great cause.

And just so you know, it is okay to ask me questions about it. It is okay to stare. And if you ask, I’ll even let you rub my head. But when you look at my head, please remember all those who struggle with cancer and need our support and then say a prayer for them.

Okay, now back to the task at hand. What do we make of these disciples and of good ole doubting Thomas? This is a story that a week and a half ago, I was going to preach pretty much the same thing we usually do. I thought we were going to look at the struggle between intuition and fact and of the different ways of knowing. I thought we might focus on how Christ comes to us no matter what our needs are so we need not vilify Thomas for being slow to believe.

But then Sunday night our televisions, radios, Facebook pages, and text messages starting buzzing with news that the President would speak. Soon the word came out that Osama Bin Laden was dead. And from that point forward broke a frenzy of praise, sorrow, questions, debate, and doubt. And somewhere in all this, a few people paused to ask, “what should the Christian response be?”

What should the Christian response be to the death of a man who apparently has masterminded the deaths of thousands of innocent lives? What should the Christian response be to the death of a man who struck fear in the hearts of so many? What should the Christian response be to the death of a man who was also a husband, father, grandfather, brother, and someone’s child? What should the Christian response be to the death of a man who had become so consumed by hate and fear that he could not see the humanity in others?

Sisters and brothers, I’m not going down a road toward telling you what you should believe politically or think about Osama Bin Laden. But I am going down a road that points to what happens when we live behind locked doors.

Let’s take another look at this passage. The passage begins, “When it was evening on that day, the first day of the week, and the doors of the house where the disciples had met were locked for fear of the Jews, Jesus came and stood among them and said, ‘Peace be with you.’”

See, when we think about this passage in time, Jesus had just been crucified and died. That very morning Mary and Mary had discovered the empty tomb. Jesus had appeared to some of them on the road and they were sharing the news. But the general feeling amongst all of them was fear. They were afraid for their lives and afraid for their futures. They closed themselves off and locked the door. But Christ comes through the barriers and says, “Peace be with you.”

Later in the passage, we have the same disciples only this time Thomas is also there and he has not believed that Jesus was truly resurrected. The passage reads, “A week later his disciples were again in the house, and Thomas was with them. Although the doors were shut, Jesus came and stood among them and said, “Peace be with you.”

Here again we have the closed doors that are presumably locked. Even a week later, the disciples are hiding out rather than being out and about. And Jesus comes through the barriers to once again pronounce, “Peace be with you.”

So, what do we make of this? It would be easy to speed on past these verses and get to the story of Thomas’ disbelief. But I don’t think these verses are here by accident and I don’t think John went to the trouble of noting the closed doors if it weren’t an issue for us to learn from.

First of all I think we need to have grace and compassion in our hearts just as Christ did when we look at this story otherwise we get caught up in judgment. These people were scared. Jesus had been their companion and champion. They believed he was going to restore justice in the land. They hadn’t yet realized his justice would be of a more far reaching kind. So in their fear, they retreated to a home and hid out.

But Jesus came in and didn’t speak harsh words or judgment. He wanted them to be at ease and to release their fear. He greeted them with a wish and hope for peace in their lives. Christ wants them to not fear or to feel worse for their struggle. He wanted them to heal. His words were about understanding their experience and knowing that more than anything, they needed to let go of the fear and receive peace and the hope that springs from it.

This is truly an amazing model for our lives. It is an orientation toward people that begins with saying, “I want to know and understand you and your needs.” To have a starting place of grace and compassion in our hearts is a starting point of love rather than assessing, judging, categorizing, or any of the other countless ways we sum people up without first seeking to understand them and their experience.

When we are scared and either literally or metaphorically close ourselves off, what would it be like if someone who loves us came on in and spoke love and peace into our hearts, minds, and spirits? How would we react if that person looked at us with eyes of compassion that told us that our experiences and feelings are safe with them?

And looking outside of ourselves, what if we were the person who could be that voice of peace, love, and healing for the one who has walled themselves off? When we’re dealing with the person who lashes out at us, what if our starting place was that of looking into how someone got so overrun by fear rather than lashing back at them? What if our priority was to truly know and understand people and their experiences instead of quickly assessing what category they fit into?

Now coming back to where I started with the death of Bin Laden, I’m not saying that there isn’t a time to make people stand accountable for their crimes or that understanding why someone is fearful is an excuse for the way they may have hurt others. There is a time for that accountable justice. There is even a time and a place for those categories like liar, cheater, greedy, selfish, terrorist, and murderer. Those classifications can help us as a society understand who has been hurt and how to exact justice. But those categories should never be a substitute for seeking to know and understand one another. That’s just not what the Christian life is about.

The Christian life is found in our second point today. Christ’s peace and calling are to fling open the doors and live out in the world as agents of love and healing. Jesus said, “Peace be with you” not only as a way to still their anxious spirits but to clear the path to move beyond the fear and anxiety. Next, he breathed the Holy Spirit upon them and told them to go out and spread the Good News and extend the gift of the forgiveness of sins to all. Their job, their calling was to be out in the world. They had received the Spirit and the Spirit should not and cannot be contained behind closed doors.

So what does this mean to us? Well, more often than not, our fears come out in more subtle ways that are not directly damaging to others but cause harm we will never see. We wall ourselves off from certain “kinds” of people or places thereby cutting of relationship after relationship after relationship. We convince ourselves that our fears are actually wise judgments or well thought out beliefs so we don’t need to bother with this person or that group. We tell ourselves that “they” are sinners or liars or too uneducated to understand or too far beyond help. We convince ourselves that we need not worry about them because they don’t want our help anyway. We use words terms like “crazy liberal” and “snooty” to feel better about not looking at them as a whole person.

But maybe that’s just the problem. The message of Christ doesn’t start with figuring out what category someone fits in to or how to fix them. It starts with understanding. Instead of seeing “they” and “them” we need to see a person struggling or striving or searching and look more deeply into how that journey has shaped their life. When our starting point is that of trying to understand someone, the issue of helping will then naturally into place. And you know what else? We often find that we were helped in some way too.

Now, I’m not saying living the Christian life means to blindly walk up to a person who’s fear may have built to the point of violence. But I am saying that it means unlocking the doors of fear we’ve constructed for ourselves. It means gently challenging the fears of others by seeking to understand them and being open so that they can understand us. It means challenging our own fears by trusting in the peace of Christ to overcome all.

Does all this sound too big? Well, it starts here. The church is the proving grounds for how we’ll live in the world. We start with the people around us and let go of seeing the labels and the judgments and the walls that keep us from seeing the whole person.

With Christ’s peace, we can let go of seeing the person who snubbed us when we needed a friend or the person who complains instead of helping or the person who boasts instead of listening. And when we let go of the categories of judgment we might understand that we weren’t actually snubbed because the other person was deeply depressed at the time. And those complaints are just a mask for loneliness. And the boasting was just a mask for fear. If we can let the walls we have between us down long enough to understand one another, we’ll cultivate such a deep community we’ll have the strength to go out into the world and do this with others.

And we already do. Look at the Kairos ministry. That’s an amazing example of understanding that leads to healing. And I could stand here and name ministries and individual actions in this congrigation that over and over reflect the triumph of Christ’s peace and the healing of understanding. But today’s passage reminds us that there’s always more to be done.

The Christian response to Bid Laden’s death is not as simple as cheering or grieving. We must seek to be thoughtful and compassionate, appreciating justice yet seeking greater reconciliation. Christ’s call in the world always begins with peace that breaks down fear. That peace leads to understanding. And understanding leads to healing.

Sisters and brothers, whatever fears we are hiding behind or keep locked away, Christ breaks in past them and says, “Peace be with you.” As we leave here today, let us be bold to hear and receive that peace. Let us be brave to understand and be understood. Let us be trusting in Christ’s calling and be agents of healing and reconciliation in the world. Amen.